


The Silence of a Whisper

by Destiels_Celebrity_Status



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Beach Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Dean, First Time Blow Jobs, Fluff and Smut, Gay Bashing, Gay Male Character, Gay Sex, Hazing, I'm Going to Hell, I'm having to much fun with tags, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Protective Castiel, Protective Dean Winchester, Sex in the Impala, Sexual Content, Shower Sex, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Topping from the Bottom, Virgin Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-31
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-04-12 05:06:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4466498
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Destiels_Celebrity_Status/pseuds/Destiels_Celebrity_Status
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean had always been bullied when he came out. It was a weight off his shoulders at first. It started with hateful comments on facebook. He shrugged them off and kept on. Then while packing to go home for spring break, Dean is jumped by a few students in his school. He stops talking and spins into depression, and tries to commit suicide. Sam finds him and sends him to a mental facility where Castiel is one of the care givers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How He Got Here

"Dean, come on! You're going to be late for orientation!" Sam yelled. Dean rubbed his eyes and sat up. he swung his legs over the side of the bed and scratched his bare chest. Finally, he was going to college. Since the apartment he was renting allowed pets, He got to take his dog Riot with him. Hid dad had given him his car as a graduation present. An Impala. Not just any Impala, a 1967. It was a thing of beauty. Since his apartment was already furnished, all he needed was his school stuff, clothes, his computer, games systems, and of course his dog and all of his stuff. He dressed quickly and ran downstairs. He had pretty much packed everything the day before. He had some stuff in the Impala and the rest in his dad's truck. He grabbed his blue and black short sleeve checkered shirt and put it on over his white t-shirt. He ran his fingers back and forth through his hair giving it a messy look. He pulled his phone out and took a picture, posting it on Facebook with the caption "College bound". Sam rolled his eye. "You take more selfies than a girl." Dean put his phone back in his pocket. "Shut up and help me with the rest of the boxes."

He got there with time to spare. They unloaded the Impala and the truck. His apartment was on the second floor. It was still on campus but at least it wasn't a dorm. He would have never gotten anything done with a bunch of guys his age running around acting like ten year olds. He said a long goodbye to his dad and Sam then headed to his orientation. freshmen filled the auditorium. Dean sat in the back, soon people started sitting around him. A girl sat next to him. She smiled as she set her bag down in front of her. "Exiting isn't it?" She asked. Dean smiled. "We won't think so come mid-terms." She laughed.

"I'm Meg."

"Dean."

The shook hands. Meg flipped her long dark hair to the side. "Think we'll need to write anything important?" She asked Dean shrugged. She pulled out a Mac Book from her bag. Dean laughed. "Couldn't hurt right?" She winked.

Dean and Meg walked next to each other during the tour of the campus. They became fast friends. "So what are you studying?" Meg asked as they walked into the Starbucks they had on campus. "Film. What about you?" She shrugged, ordering her coffee. Dean ordered his and they looked for an empty table. "Photography. I've always liked taking pictures. There's just something about capturing a moment. It stays forever in a picture." Dean smiled. They sat and talked even after their coffee was gone. Dean had told her he was gay when the subject of if he had someone. She nodded. "So a boyfriend back home then?" Dean shook his head.

"We broke things off before summer. He was going to a different school and we'd both be to busy, so we agreed to end it."

 

Dean and Meg became best friends in the following weeks. They'd study together, watch horror movies, make fun of people, post pictures. They did everything together. Meg said Dean was his best girlfriend to which he'd laugh. He would call home every Sunday when he could, unless he had a big project or paper due. He would talk to Sam about collage life and what he would have to look forward to. He would tell his dad everything, including boys. Dean knew it made him uncomfortable, but he still listened and gave advice as best he could. "Anyone giving you a hard time?" John asked. Dean sighed. He didn't want to say but now that it had come up...

"Just the usual 'go die fag' about a million times a day." Dean tried not to let it get to him. He was normally a happy person. Even Meg noticed when he wasn't his usual self. "I try to ignore it. It just sucks sometimes dad. I'll be okay."

Later that night, his phone buzzed with a new comment on a photo he posted that day. He picked his phone up and read it.

_"You are such a faggot. I bet nobody would care if you died. You should just kill yourself and get it over with."_

Dean stared at the comment and threw his phone on the bed. the commenter named Wyatt clearly had issues. He had been picking on Dean for a few months now. He could tell when someone was in the closet and this kid was so far in it, it was laughable.

 

Dean worked his ass off studying for mid-terms but he finally made it through. He even finished his project for film ahead of time. It was a short documentary on collage life. He wouldn't know what grade he got until after spring break. 

He had already packed his bags to go home for the holiday. He was excited because he hadn't seen his family since the Christmas holiday. Tonight, he was helping Meg pack. She was going to New York with some friends. "I wish you could come. You'd love New York." Dean smiled as he folded one of her shirts and set it in her suitcase. "Yeah, well, maybe I'll meet you there. I just want to see my brother first." Meg teased if he did go, he should get laid and lose his virginity to a hot guy. Dean just shook his head and explained he was old fashioned and he wanted to wait.

He was walking home on the chilly spring night. He pulled the collar of his jacket up and walked down the dim lit path that he always took. Nobody really walked this way so he found the quiet calming. But tonight, someone else was walking the almost forgotten path. It wasn't completely out of the ordinary so he had no reason to believe otherwise. On this night, he was proven wrong. He heard the footsteps behind him quicken. He chalked it up as the person was in a hurry so he waited for the person to pass; They didn't. "Hey faggot." Suddenly he was pushed against the wall, brick scratching his face. He was turned around and slammed against the wall. His head hit with a sickening thud, dazing him. "So you think I'm in the closet?" He knew the voice: Wyatt. Dean had told a few friends about the comments and what he though about Wyatt. Someone must have told him. "I'll show you who's in the closet you freak." He punched Dean in the face. He fell sideways and hit the ground. Wyatt got on top of him and punched him a few more times. He felt his pants and boxers being pulled off. He heard a belt coming undone, a zipper, the metal of the belt hitting the cement. Then the near blinding pain off Wyatt's dick being shoved in his ass. He yelled out. Wyatt covered his mouth. Dean bit his hand, the taste of blood in his mouth. Wyatt put his fingers around Dean's throat and squeezed, cutting off his air. He trashed around. Moving his hands to Wyatt's fingers, trying desperately to break the hold. he laid there useless while Wyatt thrust in him again and again.  He loosened his grip on Dean's neck and he gasped for air as Wyatt finished inside him.

He couldn't move. Every inch of his body hurt. He didn't know how long he had been lying there when another student found him. The hospital contacted John. He and Sam both rushed there. The police wanted his statement. Dean didn't say a word. He didn't even look at John or Sam when they walked in. He was to numb to care. "What about that Wyatt kid who always writes those comments?" For the first time in what felt like hours,Dean looked at his father. Going pale at the sound of his name and wide eyed in horror. Sam showed the cops the comments and they left to find him.

 

He was released from the hospital a few days later. They took him home. He didn't talk, he didn't eat. He spent most of the time in his room. Sam took care of Riot. At night, he would cry himself to sleep when he could sleep. Most of the time when he tried, he'd dream of the attack and wake up yelling. Sam and John would come in and try to calm him down, but he didn't want to be touched. he _couldn't_ be touched. Yelling in his sleep was the only sounds he made.

John or Sam would open his door and check on him just to make sure he was still alive. Worried he might try to end his life. And he did try.

 

John left for work, Sam for school. The neighbor was supposed to be in every so often through out the day to check on him. When the neighbor left for the last time that day, Dean got out of bed and went into the bathroom and grabbed the bottle of pain killers. Thinking about all the new comments that had popped up on his profile after he was raped saying he probably like it and he was nasty and should die. As he shoved a handful of pills in his mouth he thought about how it would all be over soon. That he wouldn't be suffering.

 

Sam found him on the bathroom floor. Barely breathing. The bottle next to him, the rest of the pills scattered on the floor. He called 911 and Dean was rushed to the hospital. The pumped his stomach. When he was able, he was transferred to a near by mental facility. And that is where the  _real_ story starts.    


	2. The Fear Behind Green eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I honestly don't know how long I will make this story, so please comment (They'll help me keep it going!) Anyways, on to the chapter!!

**Day One**

He opened his eyes to see nothing but white. Praying the previous events were some kind of dream and he was really dead. He sat up. Nope. Still alive. The door opened and a nurse walked in. A male nurse. "Good morning Dean. Good to see you finally awake." The man said smiling. Dean said nothing. He turned his head and looked out the window that unfortunately had bars over them. He remembered fighting the doctors at the hospital before his transfer. He didn't want to be touched but they kept touching him. Poking at him with needles. He hated needles. In the end they must have sedated him just to get him here. The nurse sat on the bed. "My name is Castiel. You can call me Cas if you want." Dean nodded, letting him know he was listening. "Your file says you're nineteen?" He nodded again, continuing to stare out the window.

"When was the last time you've eaten?"

Dean shrugged.

"You must be hungry then."

He shook his head.

"You have to eat something."

He shrugged again.

"You know Dean, I know you went through something traumatic the other day. But that shouldn't keep you from eating."

Dean didn't say or do anything. He just stared out the window.

"There is a group therapy session tonight. It will help. I think you should go.

Again, nothing. Dean heard the door click when Castiel left.

 

Later that night, Dean was lying in bed. Fully intending not to go to group therapy. It was at this time he decided to try again. He got up and walked over to the window. He pulled on the bars, checking the sturdiness. He pulled down on them then he pulled himself up. The bars held his weight with no sign of protest. He let go and grabbed the sheet off the bed and looked at the top of the bars, it was higher than he could reach. He went over to the other side of the bed and grabbed the chair that they had forgotten to take out after visiting hours, Dean thought that it was stupid of them. But then again, they didn't know what he was about to do. He set the chair in front of the bars. Standing on it, he tied the sheet to the top, then tied it around his neck. Only a few more minutes of suffering. He hung one foot off the chair and kicked it away with the other, his feet didn't touch the floor. The chair tipped over sideways and hit the floor. Any second now. He would pass out first. then no more suffering. No more nightmares. He blacked out.

The door flew open and Cas saw him hanging there. He immediately ran over and grabbed Dean by the waist and lifted him with one arm. With his free hand he untied the sheet from Dean's neck. A few attendants ran in and helped. They laid him on the bed and began CPR, bringing Dean back to life.

 

**Day Two**

_Son of a bitch_. was his first thought when he opened his eyes. He tried to move his hand but it wouldn't move. He turned his head. _Oh you have got to be fucking kidding._ He thought. They had restrained him by chaining his arms and legs to the bed. Then he notice some rubber thing in his mouth. _Awesome..._ He assumed it was there so he didn't try to bit off his tongue. The though was appealing...but try as he might, he couldn't get the damn thing out of his mouth. _Just let me die for fuck sake!_ He thought. The door opened. Castiel walked in, sitting in the chair. _I swear if he gives me a stupid lecture..._

"Dean."

Dean looked at the ceiling.

"I want you to know, I was the one that got you down yesterday."

Nothing.

"I know you feel helpless."

_Understatement_

"You can't just end your life when there are people who love you. Like your brother."

He blinked. _And there it is...the lecture..._

"You're family and friends would be lost with out you."

 _They'd get over_ it.

"I know that for a fact. What you're doing isn't a solution."

 _God, just shut the hell_ up!

"You do that, they win."

Nothing.

"I've been there Dean."

He blinked. _What?_

"I thought killing myself would solve my problem. But you know what did solve it? _Living._ Showing them that they can't bring me down. That I won't let them."

For the first time, Dean looked at him. It was the first time he had shown any responsiveness other than a nod or shrug.

 

**Day Five**

 

They denied him visitors until further notice, until they were sure he wouldn't try to take his life again. Castiel still visited. They finally took the mouthpiece out. Dean figured it would be awhile before they let him out of his restraints. They gave him fluids since he still refused to eat or drink anything and sedatives to make him sleep. Even then, some nights the dreams would enter his mind causing him to wake up in a cold sweat.

 

                                                                                               ************************

 

By the end of the second week, they took off the restraints (But he was on watch every second of the day) and allowed visitors again. Sam would come in every day after school and tell him everything that has been happening. He told Dean that their dad couldn't stand to see him like this and couldn't bring himself to visit. Dean was surprised that Sam even visited. After all, he did find Dean half dead on the bathroom floor. He couldn't bring himself to look at Sam, and still refused to talk. Sam told him Wyatt was arrested and his trial was to be determined. This held no comfort whatsoever.

Sam practically begged Dean to start eating. He did kinda miss eating. When Sam left, a little while later Castiel came in at the start of his shift. Dean was, as usual, looking out the window. This time he was standing in front of it rather than sitting on his bed. "I see you finally got out of your bed. I'll take that as a good thing." Dean heard a paper bag. "I had to sneak this in for you. It's from Sam." Dean turned around and looked at Castiel. He pulled the contents from the bag. "He said it's from your favorite place." It was a burger, fries, and a slice of pie. Dean looked at the food as Castiel set it on the table next to the bed. Dean looked up at him. "I won't tell if you won't" Castiel told him, smiling. He turned and walked out, closing the door behind him. Dean ate all of it. 

 

Sam would give Castiel food for Dean every night before visiting hours were over. Even though he was eating, he still refused to eat the food there. Castiel and Sam were just happy he was finally eating, but he still wouldn't talk. He felt like if he did, nothing but screams would erupt from his throat. Surprisingly Castiel had become very good at reading Dean's facial expressions. Since the head of staff made group therapy mandatory for Dean, Castiel told him he would go with him if he wanted. It was the first time Dean had left his room since he got there. And he imminently wanted to go back to his room.

"Alright everyone, I'd like you to welcome Dean Winchester." Everyone looked at him. He looked at this feet. 

"Why don't you tell us something about yourself Dean?"

Dean looked at Castiel.

"Uh, Dean is having a hard time adjusting. He hasn't spoken to anyone." Castiel answered for him. The group councilor, Naomi, looked at Castiel. 

"Whenever he's ready then."

 

It rained that night. It was around ten at night. Dean was looking out his window remembering when he and Sam used to play in the rain. The memory seemed so distant. Like it happened in another lifetime. "You like the rain?" Dean almost jumped. He turned around and looked at Castiel then nodded. Cas smiled. "Come on." He stood up and walked to the door, pausing to look back at Dean. Dean looked at him in confusion. "Just trust me." Dean followed him out of the room and down the hall. The place was so empty at night you would think it was abandoned. He followed Castiel to a part of the facility he hadn't seen, which wasn't surprising since it's only the second time he's left his room. Castiel pulled out his employee I.D. and swiped it. The door clicked and he opened it to reveal a fenced yard. He allowed Dean to step out first. He was met by the smell of wet earth. He loved the smell. He looked back at Castiel. "Go on." He said half laughing. Dean stepped out of the protection of the covered porch, into the rain. Getting soaked almost immediately. He looked up at the sky then closed his eyes, feeling every drop as it hit his face. He held his arms out. He suddenly felt like a kid again. No. Not a kid. He felt like _himself_ again. And for the first time in what felt like years...he smiled.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kudos!!! Don't forget to comment guys!


	3. Broken Silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has read, gave kudos, and commented! And a special thank you to my friend HellsQueen for helping me! This chapter is for you!!! To everyone else...I hope you enjoy!

In the days that followed, Dean still didn't talk but he was showing more progress. There were a few times while listening to Castiel's stories, he wanted to say something. Castiel could see the words on the tip of his tongue, but every time he opened his mouth to say something he would close it; holding the words there. Castiel would just smile at him and continue with his story. Dean would sometimes smile, and that was enough for Castiel. 

"When I was in school, I was bullied too because I came out my freshman year." Dean stopped walking and looked at him, his eyes wide. Castiel chuckled. "What? You're surprised?" By now, Castiel could tell what Dean was trying to say just by reading his face. Dean just looked at him. The continued walking. "Kids would push me into lockers, put me in garbage cans and roll them down the flight of stairs, trip me, hit me, beat me up, and one kid did try to rape me." Dean stopped again. His green eyes flashed with sorrow, fear, and anger. "What did you do?" Dean's voice was barely a whisper due to lack of use.  His eyes focused on Castiel. "The same thing you did. I tried to kill myself. I hanged myself in my closet, kind of ironic. My older brother found me only because I left the door open. He got me down and started doing CPR, yelling at my other older brother to call 911. Soon after I was checked in here. Hannah, the lady that works in the kitchen, helped me. I'll tell you what she told me." At this time, they were sitting on the grass next to the fence. Dean was pulling the grass from the ground and let it blow out of his hand from the wind. He stopped and looked at Castiel. "All it takes is one person. Just one. To pull you from the darkness that you feel. And you have to forgive. Not only them, but yourself." Dean blinked. He leaned against the fence, eyes still on Castiel. "How? How do I forgive something like that?" His voice was still quiet. Castiel smiled. "By letting go Dean. It won't be easy, but it is possible. I let it go and forgave those kids for what they did. Because if I didn't, I would have never gotten past it." He let the words hang in the air for a moment. "You will never move forward if you don't forgive." Dean moved forward then laid down on the lush green grass. He put his arm over his eyes to shield them from the afternoon sun. "I know I have to forgive him. I can't keep living like this." He moved his arm and looked at Castiel. "I can't keep living in fear. I know I can't and I know it will kill me. But I can't do it alone." Castiel moved forward as well and propped himself up with his elbow. His other arm draped over his torso. "You don't have to do it alone Dean. I'll be there for you every step of the way." 

                                                                                                                                                                                   ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was the middle of the night. Dean was sound asleep. His door opened and he woke up from the sound. "Hey" Castiel whispered. Dean rolled over and sat up, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. Castiel set some clothes next to him. "Come on, get dressed." Dean looked up at him, confused. 

"Why?"

"I'm taking you somewhere."

"Where?"

Castiel smiled. "It's a surprise. Trust me, you'll love it."

A few minutes later they were running out of the building to his car. He opened the passenger door and Dean got in. He was a little surprised he trusted Castiel this much to just leave with him. But where ver they were going, it had to be better than here. He had been there for almost three months. Three. Hell the bland white room was enough to drive someone crazy. Castiel got in and started the car. "Seriously, where are we going Cas?"

"That's the first time you've called me that."

"You said I could."

"I know."

"And to be fair, I've only been talking to you for a few days now."

"Good point."

"So where are we going?"

"You'll see."

About forty five minutes later, Castiel pull s up to a beach. He parks, turns off the car, and gets out. When Dean didn't follow suit, he leaned down. "You just gonna sit there?"

"It's a beach..."

Castiel chuckled. "Yeah. At least, it was the last time I checked. Glad to know it's still a beach."

Dean looked at him. "What are we doing at a beach in the middle of the night?"

"Healing."

"What?"

"You heard me now get out before I drag you."

Dean opened the door and got out. He followed Cas all the way down to the water. They stood in silence for a moment before Dean broke it. "How is this healing?" Castiel turned to him and smiled. Dean zipped up his hoodie and put his hands in his pockets. "Nothing anybody says will help because they haven't been where we have been Dean."

"You have."

Cas nodded. "Which is why I want to help. And it's why you trust me so much." He looked back out at the water. The waves crashing one by one. "The beauty of this place...for me, it's the closest to God I've ever felt. When I was released from the hospital, I came here. After just watching the waves, I started talking to them."

"The waves?"

Cas nodded. "I actually ended up yelling. Yelling all my fears, my doubts...my pain. Even though nobody heard me, I felt better." He turned back to Dean. "Which is why it's healing."

Dean looked at him for a moment. "What do I say?"

"Anything you want. The waves won't judge you. Neither will I."

He pulled his hood over his head and looked back out at the water. Any other person would have thought that this was stupid, but Dean couldn't bring himself to think so. He looked up at the pitch black sky. The only source of light was the moon. Stars glimmered in the darkness of the sky. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "What did I do?" He asked softly. He opened his eyes and looked back at the water. "What did I do to deserve that?" His voice a little louder. "What did I do wrong? I never hurt anyone! I didn't do any thing wrong! I didn't deserve that! So why did he do it? What gives him the fucking right to ruin my life and make me want to die? To cause me so much pain to the point where I don't even want to live? My little brother found me on the bathroom floor for Christ's sake! He should never have seen that! Seen me like that! I never wanted any of this! So how is this fair? Fucking tell me!" He looked at Castiel. Tears streaming down his face. "I didn't mean to. I just wanted it to be over. I just wanted it all to end." He wiped the tears on his sleeve and took a shaky breath as he turned back to the water. "I don't want to hate him. I don't want to be afraid. And dammit I don't want to die!" He yelled the last words. 

"I just want to let go and move on." He said quietly. He broke down in to sobs. He turned to Cas again. "I just want to let go." He repeated. As he began to cry harder, Castiel pulled him in to a hug. Dean didn't resist. He just buried his face into Castiel's shoulder and continued crying. Cas pulled Dean's hood off. "Shhh. I know. It's okay Dean. Everything will be okay. I promise it won't feel like this for long." 

They were sitting there in silence, watching the waves. Dean laid back and put his arms under his head. He looked at the sky and saw a shooting star. He closed his eyes and made a wish. Cas had seen it too. "What did you wish for?" He asked. Dean could hear the smile in his words. "If I tell you, it won't come true." He replied, eyes still closed. He heard Castiel move. Dean figured he laid down too. As he listened to the waves crash on the beach, he soon fell asleep.

He slowly opened his eyes. The sun had just barely rose. He sat up quickly. "Oh shit!" He looked around. The beach. They were still on the beach. "Oh shit!" He repeated. He looked next to him to see Cas was still asleep. He shook him. "Cas! Wake up! We fell asleep! We have to go!" Castiel groaned. Dean Shook him again. He didn't move. Dean remembered them going to the gas station and had gotten a fountain drink. He ran to the car and opened the door, thankful that Cas forgot to lock it. He ran to the water and filled the cup. He ran back to Castiel and dumped the contents on him. Cas jumped up. "What the-" He looked at Dean. Even though the situation was urgent, Dean laughed. "What was that for?"

"Look around. Where are we?"

"The beach..."

"Where am I supposed to be Cas?"

Cas thought for a second, mind still waking up. The he remembered. "Oh shit! We have to go!"

"Ya think?" 

Without thinking Castiel grabbed Dean by the hand and ran to the car. He opened Dean's door then ran around and got in. He started the car and tore out of the parking lot. "We are going to be in so much trouble. Well, I will be." 

"Will they fire you?"

"Probably not, but you never know."

When they got back, there were three cop cars parked outside. "Looks like they know you're gone." He parked the car and they got out. The head of the facility walked out as well as all six officers. Dean looked at Cas. "Tell them I ran away."

"What?"

"Just do it! They'll arrest you for kidnapping."

"Are you sure?"

"What are they going to do to me? Give me a few days of lock-down? So be it. I don't want you to lose your job because of me."

"What about the security cameras?"

"You did tell me to go first, and we were running. It probably looks like you were chasing me. Not to mention there is only one camera in my hallway and it can't see my room. "

"There they are!" Castiel and Dean looked at the man. "Care to explain Mr. Novak?"

"He ran off. I was just about to leave for the night when I saw Dean run down the hall. I ran after him. He went out the front door and I lost sight of him in the parking lot. So I got in my car and started looking for him. I found him at a beach asleep." Everyone looked at Dean. 

"Why did you run away Dean?" He asked.

"Better than the alternative."

The man who Cas referred to as Mr. Jones stared at Dean. It took a moment for Dean to realize Castiel was the only person he had spoken to since he got there. "Be that as it may you will have to be in confinement for  three days." Yeah, he figured that. 

He took the punishment in stride and didn't protest. It was the least he could do for Cas. And the best part was, Castiel got to keep his job. He didn't even get suspended. The security tape matched what Dean had said so they never sus pected a thing. 

After his three day confinement, he was allowed visitors again. Cas had explained what happened to Sam and gave him the real story. The first thing Dean did when he saw Sam was hug him. "Mr. Novak says you're getting better."

"Yeah, and you can call him by his first name Sammy. He's only twenty-one."

"How is he working here?"

"It's not that hard to be a male nurse. Take some courses and you get a certificate."

Sam nodded. "Do you like him?"

"Come on Sammy."

"Do you?"

Dean shrugged. "He's nice to me. He's helping me get better."

"I'd say it's working."

"I trust him Sam. He's the only person here I do trust."

"I think he likes you."

"Sam..."

"What? Would that be so bad if he does?"

"I guess not."

They were silent for a minute. Sam looked at him and smiled. "I'm glad you're talking. Hell, I'm just glad you're better." Dean smiled. "Me too Sammy."

Things had for the most part, gone back to normal. Except Dean had to be escorted everywhere for awhile. Castiel still took Dean outside to walk around, but a third wheel would be there just in case. Dean would just smile and continue walking. "So when do I finally get out of here?" Castiel shrugged. "They haven't said yet. But I'm sure with the progress you've made it won't be long." Dean sighed. "This is unconstitutional." Cas laughed. "How so?" Dean looked at him. His green eyes locked on to Castiel's deep blue ones. He smiled. "It's cruel and unusual punishment." Cas laughed louder. Dean laughed with him. 

Sam still visited every day. Now that Dean was talking, they'd laugh and joke like they used to. When Sam brought the conversation to Wyatt, Dean took a deep breath. "What about him?" He didn't stiffen or start freaking out. Mainly because Castiel was in the room and was now very focused on Dean. "His trial is coming up. They want you to testify."

"Obviously."

"They held it off until you got better."

Dean nodded. He knew he would have to show up. Which meant for the first time, he'd come face to face with Wyatt. He sighed. "When is it?" He asked. Sam looked at him apprehensively. Cas's face held no emotion at the moment. "Sam, when is the trial?"

"Next week." Dean nodded slowly. Castiel had informed him the day before that he was being released in a few days. Meaning he will only be out for a two days before the trial. "Dean, if it's too soon you can ask to have it postponed." He looked at Sam. "No. I can't do that. I'll have to face him sooner or later. Might as well get it over with. I can't be afraid of this any more Sammy. I've come to far to just sit here and be to afraid to face him." From the corner of his eye, he saw Cas smile. 


	4. The Bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys...I started writing this chapter at around 3pm yesterday (8/14/15) and worked almost non-stop to finish it. (finishing around 9:50am 8/15/15) This is the longest chapter so far (with almost 5,000 words) Why did I do this? Because I love y'all. In a platonic way of course. So thank you guys! I hope you enjoy! Don't forget to comment!!

He was walking around his room without his shirt while he packed his things. Finally, after four months he was getting out of here. "Why are you shirtless?" Dean turned so fast he almost gave himself whiplash. Cas was standing in the doorway. Dean felt the color drain from his face but quickly return, causing him to blush. Cas smiled.  "Haven't seen that look yet." He laughed. Dean grabbed his shirt off the bed. "Sorry. I didn't hear you come in." He pulled his shirt over his head  and pulled it down over his torso. Castiel laughed when he had seen the graphic of the shirt. "Elvis? Really?" Dean looked down at the shirt then back to Cas. "What? Who doesn't like Elvis?" Cas shook his head, still smiling. "Do you like The Beatles too?" He teased. Dean just rolled his eyes. 

They were standing at the front desk. Dean had to fill out some paperwork before he was officially released. "How are you getting home?" Castiel asked. Dean pulled the keys to the Impala and jingled them as he signed a paper with the other hand. Sam had dropped the car off earlier then got a ride home with his friend. Sam wasn't really supposed to be driving without a licensed driver but managed to pull it off. Sam and his dad were basically forcing him to drive himself home because they had a surprise planned for him and they had to set everything up. He heard Sam tell Castiel. He also heard Sam invite Cas to whatever they were planning. "What make and model?" Castiel asked. Dean looked at him. "What? I can't know cars?" Dean laughed. 

When he finished the paperwork, Cas followed him outside and to the Impala. "No way. This is your car? An Impala?" Dean smiled. "My dad gave it to me as a graduation present. And it's a '67 Impala." Cas looked at him. Dean unlocked it and opened the driver door. He put the key in the i gnition and turned it. The Impala roared to life. Castiel smiled. "Now I want to ride with you to your house. It sounds amazing!" Dean laughed. "Nothing I couldn't handle. She used to be my dad's. I would help him fix her up." Cas looked at him. "What? I can't know cars?"

T hey pulled up to his house and before Dean could even kill the engine, Cas got out and ran inside. Dean sat there in confusion for a second then shut the car off. He got out and walked up the path to the front door. He turned the knob and pushed the door open. "Welcome home Dean!" He stopped in the doorway and looked up. His family, friends, and Castiel were all standing in the living room. He laughed. "Who welcomes someone home who just got out of a mental hospital?" He shook his head, smiling. He dropped his bag by the front door. His dad was the first to greet him with a hug. He stiffened for a second then relaxed, telling himself nobody here would hurt him. He returned the hug. "I'm so glad you're okay son. I'm sorry I didn't visit-" Dean cut him off. "It's okay dad. I didn't want to see me like that either." Dean pulled away. His dad patted him on the shoulder. After everyone greeted him, they all just sat around and talked. After a while, they all left. Except Castiel. Dean decided to give him a tour of the house. Downstairs was the living room (obviously...) the kitchen, the dining room, and the laundry room. Dean led him upstairs. He saw Sam smile as they walked up the stairs. Dean rolled his eyes at him. They stood in the middle of the hallway. "That's dad's room, and that one is Sam's." Castiel looked at the door in front of him. "What's in here?" He pointed. Dean looked at the door. "Oh, uh...that's the bathroom." He leaned against the wall. Castiel looked at him. "Oh." He said in understanding. The bathroom where he overdosed. Dean leaned his head back against the wall and met Castiel's eyes. "It's fine. You can look if you want." 

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not going to freak out or anything."

Cas nodded and opened the door. Dean leaned in the doorway and turned the light on. Cas took a step forward. "That's where Sam found me." He pointed to the space between the toilet and the bathtub/shower. Castiel looked down and nodded. "I did try to make myself throw up to get the pills out. I just couldn't make myself. Nothing would come out." He tried to sniff back tear and failed. Cas looked at him. He put his hands on Dean's shoulders. "Hey," Dean looked at him, blinking the tears out of his eyes. "It's okay. I'm right here." Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly, not taking his eyes off Castiel. "I'm okay. I'm good." He said after a moment. Cas eyed him then nodded. He turned the bathroom light off and moved back into the hallway. Cas closed the door behind him. He walked over to his bedroom door and put his hand on the knob. "This is my room." He half smiled. He opened the door and moved so Cas could go in. The walls were a deep blue and covered in posters. Castiel looked at all of them. He had seen a bunch of pictures of Dean and he assumed his friends from high school taped to the wall above his bed. "Not bad." He says finally. Dean shrugs and moves to his bed and sits down. Cas looks at him. "Is this awkward for you?" Dean shook his head. "Why would it be? I wasn't attacked in my room." Cas nodded. He pulled up Dean's desk chair and sat down, leaning against the back of it. He looked at the ceiling and saw another poster. "Really? A poster of Ryan Gosling? Naked?" He looked at Dean. "Don't act like you've never had a crush on him." He smiled. Cas shrugged. "Yeah, when I was twelve." Dean laughed. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The day of the trial. Dean was standing in his room looking at different ties to match the blazer he had picked out. His heart was pounding in his chest and he swallowed the lump in his throat. He felt like he was going to be sick. Since he hasn't used the bathroom he shares with Sam since he got home, he ran down the hall to his dad's room. He went into his bathroom and slammed the door behind him. He ran to the toilet and leaned over it and puked. Then someone knocked on the door. "Dean? Are you okay?" Sam's voice was muffled through the door. Dean puked again. His body stiffened. He straightened himself when it was safe and flushed before moving to the sink. Sam opened the door. "Hey man, are you alright?" Dean turned on the water and cupped it in his hands. Sipping the water and swishing it around in his mouth. He spit it out and looked up at Sam. "I'm fine Sammy. Just got a little sick." He splashed water on his face then turned the water off. "You sure you're okay?" Dean just nodded. Sam just left it alone.

Sitting outside the courtroom, Dean couldn't keep still. Bouncing his leg up and down. He kept his head down the whole time. His was leaning forward with his arms on his legs, still bouncing one. He absently smoothed his hair or played with his tie. "You're going to drive yourself crazy." Dean's attention snapped to the voice. He stopped moving and looked up. Cas was standing in front of him, smiling. He was wearing a black suit with a dark blue tie which matched his eyes. Dean exhaled. "What are you doing here?" Cas tilted his head from side to side. "Moral support. Well, I was told by the court to come as well to testify, but I would have come anyway." He sat down next to Dean. He looked down and started bouncing his leg again. Cas put his hand on Dean's knee. He stopped and looked at Cas again. "Relax. It'll be fine. I'll be right next to you the whole time." Dean exhaled again as he nodded. Cas held Dean's eyes. "You can do this Dean. I told you, I'll be right next to you every step of the way. And I meant it." Dean nodded again. Cas dug in his pocket for a second and pulled out a pack of gum. He handed a pie ce to Dean, who looked at him questionably. "Just take it. When you start to get nervous or scared, chew on it. It will help." Dean took it and put it in his pocket. He began to question what he would do with out Cas. A question he really didn't want to know the answer to.

Dean tried to control his breathing as the court room filled with people. He eyes dropped to his feet when Wyatt entered the room. When Castiel nudged him, he looked at him. "Don't do that. It won't help."

"Looking at him won't help either."

"How do you know?"

 Dean held his eyes on Cas. He suddenly remembered Cas has been through this before. Dean slowly moved his eyes across the room until he saw Wyatt, who was looking right at him. There was no emotion on his face. Cas leaned in closer. "Breath Dean." He didn't realize til Cas said something that he was holding his breath. He breathed slowly. Dean held his eyes on Wyatt. After a few moments Wyatt looked away and sat down. Dean suddenly felt exhausted and leaned back in his seat. Next to him, Castiel was smiling. "I'm proud of you Dean." 

 The trial was under way . Naturally, Dean was the first wit ness . When they said his name, he pulled the gum out of his pocket, unwrapped it, and started chewing. He stood up and let out a breath. Cas stood up to let him out. "Look at me if you have to." He whispered. Dean nodded. 

When he sat down on the witness stand, he was told to raise his right hand and was sworn in. "State your full name." Dean jumped at the voice. "Uh, Dean Henry Winchester." He played with the fabric of his pants but then folded his hands in his lap, opting for chewing the gum in his mouth for a moment. 

"Hello Dean, how are you?" The attorney representing the state (named Uriel Duncan) Walked up and stood in front of Dean. Dean almost gave him a sarcastic look. "I'm alright I suppose. I'm alive aren't I?" Uriel smiled. "Yes, you are. How old are you Dean? For the record."

"Nineteen. I'll be twenty in January." Which was a long way off since it was mid-July. 

"And you're going to school?"

"Was, yes. I was studying psychology ironically enough."

 "And Mr. Williams was a student there as well correct?"

Dean chewed his gum a few times. "Yes sir."

 "Can you please walk us through what happened Dean?"

Again he chewed on the gum for a moment. He looked at Cas who smiled and gave him an encouraging nod. Dean took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It was March 15th. The first day of spring break. I had just finished helping my friend Meg pack. She was going to New York with a few friends. I was walking back to my apartment. I don't remember the exact time, but it was around nine pm. Um, I heard the words 'hey faggot' then I was pushed against the wall of one of the school buildings. I was turned around and slammed against the building again." He paused to chew on the gum and looked at Cas. He realized Cas had never heard how he was attacked. He dropped his gaze. When he did, Cas cleared his throat and Dean looked at him again. Cas shook his head telling him not to look down. Dean looked back at Uriel who was waiting patiently. "It was dark, but I could tell who it was. W-" He stopped. He had never said his name after what happened. He took a deep breath. "Wyatt had me pinned against the building. I uh, had made a comment to a friend that he must have been in the closet as a joke because he had been harassing me ."

 "Why was he harassing you?"

 "Because I'm gay."

The room burst in to murmurs and whispers. The judge banged his gavle once causing Dean to damn near jump out of his skin. "Quiet down" He said. He looked at Dean and told him to continue. "I'm openly gay. I came out when I was in the eighth grade. I have been bullied ever since. But I just shrugged it off. Like I said, I made the comment as a joke. No harm intended. When he had me pinned against the wall, He said 'so you think I'm in the closet? I'll show you who's in the closet you freak.' Then he punched me in the face. I fell down. He got on top of me and punched me a few more times. Then he-" He stopped. He curled his fingers into fists but he didn't look down. Again, he looked at  Cas for support. Cas was now leaning forward in his seat. His brilliant blue eyes held Dean's green ones. Somehow, his eyes gave Dean the support he needed. He looked back at Uriel. "He pulled my pants and boxers down around my ankles. I heard him pull his pants down." He smoothed his hair and closed his eyes. For the first time, he had to both admit and accept what happened. He took a few shaky breaths. "Uh..." His voice cracked. He looked up at the ceiling and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he looked around the room. There were a few people wiping their eyes. He looked at his Dad and Sam who were both pale. They hadn't heard what happened either. Next to them, Bobby, Ellen, Jo and Meg had the same look on their faces. He then looked at Cas, but this time Cas wasn't looking at Dean. He was looking at Wyatt. The look Castiel held on his face was nothing but pure anger and rage. When Cas finally looked at him, his eyes urged Dean to keep going. Dean cleared his throat and let out another shaky breath. "Then he pushed his self inside me." He said slowly. Almost not believing the words. "When I yelled, he covered my mouth with his hand so I bit him until he started bleeding. At that point, he wrapped his fingers around by throat and choked me." The room buzzed with whispers again. The judge again banged his gavle and Dean jumped again. When the room was quiet again, Dean chewed on his gum before continuing. "I tried to fight him off but I couldn't. He didn't let me breath until he had come inside me. When he left, I couldn't move. All I could do was just lay there. I don't know how long I was there when a student found me and called the police." He realized he was crying, for how long he didn't know. He wiped them with the sleeve of his blazer but they kept coming. "We'll take a short recess so Mr. Winchester can compose himself." The judge ordered banging his gavle a third time and once again, Dean jumped. Everyone stood up as the judge left the room. Dean stayed seated for a moment then got up. He walked past Wyatt quickly and hurried out of the room. Cas was right on his heels. He pushed passed the people standing outside the courtroom. As soon as he got through, he broke into a run. 

 He ran out of the courthouse and stopped at the bottom of the stairs. He looked up at the mid-morning July sky and took a few shaky breaths. "Dean!" He heard Cas run up to him and looked at him. "I can't go back in there Cas." His voice shook as he spoke. "I just can't" He looked down. Cas put his hands on Dean's shoulders "Yes you can. Hey, look at me." Dean looked up at him. "Listen to me Dean. I know it's hard. God knows I know. But you have to go back in there. That fucker needs to hear what happened because of him. He needs to hear it as much as you need to accept it. You've come to far now to let it all come crashing down."

 "I'm scared Cas." It was in that moment, Dean lost control and broke down. Cas pulled him into a hug, wrapping his arm tight around Dean. Dean didn't protest. He just stood there in Castiel's embrace and cried. "I know you are. It's okay to be scared. I know how much you had to control yourself in there. I am so damn proud of you Dean. What you're doing takes so much courage. I know it hurts, but it needs to be done." He pulled away and Dean looked at him. "I swear on my life that you won't hurt for long. All of this will be a distant memory." 

About twenty minutes later, Dean was back on the stand. His face was still slightly red from crying. "Are you ready to continue?" The judged asked. Dean looked at him and nodded. "Yes sir."

 Uriel once again stood in front of Dean. Dean looked at him. Uriel nodded. "Feel a little better Dean?" Dean folded his hands in his lap. "Yes sir."

"Is it true that before your ordeal, you were a virgin?"

"Yes sir."

 "And is it also true that a few weeks after your ordeal you tried to take you life?"

The room grew still and quiet. The seriousness of the question hung in the air.  All eyes were on him. He looked right at Wyatt when he answered. Holding his emotions is. "Yes. I was given pain medication for my fractured cheekbone. I took a handful and swallowed them." Wyatt looked away. Dean looked around the room at all the shocked and empathetic faces. A few jury members shook their heads. Dean looked at Castiel who was again leaning forward in his seat. His eyes fixed on Dean. Dean looked back at Uriel and waited for his next question. "What would compel you to feel the need to take your own life?" Dean leaned back in the chair. "I wanted it to be over. I wanted all of the bullying to stop. I just wanted to stop suffering. I was tired of waking up in a cold sweat or yelling. I was tired of all of it. Even though I did try to make myself vomit about five minutes later, but I couldn't."

 "But you attempted again after you were institutionalized?"

 "Yes. I did."

"Why?"

Dean leaned forward and looked Uriel dean in the eyes. "Because I failed the first time and I just wanted to fucking die." The room was dead silent. Dean had no doubt in his mind his words chilled everyone to the bone. Especially the way he said it. He could only imagine the look on his face also added to the effect. Dean continued. "I couldn't even look at myself in the God damn mirror without remembering that night. I couldn't sleep without having a nightmare about it. I wasn't even the same person anymore. And all of this happened because my sexuality made someone uncomfortable. I never did a damn thing to anybody." He felt fresh tears run down his face. Uriel was silent for a moment. "But after you became close with your caregiver, correct?" Dean blinked at the question. "Yes."

 "How did you become close to him?"

 "He saved my lif e in more ways than one."

 "Let's backtrack for a second. He was the one who found you during your second attempt yes?"

"Yes. I had used the sheets from my bed. I tested the bar on my window to see if they would hold my weight. Then I grabbed the chair that was left in my room and stood on it so I could tie the sheets to the top of the bars. After that, I tied the sheets around my neck and kick the chair out from under me. The chair fell sideways so I couldn't stand back on it if I wanted to. And with the angle I was at, I couldn't list myself on the bars. I had house shoes on so I could turn myself around to do so." He took a shaky breath and wiped away tears with the back of his hand. "And that's when your caregiver found you and got you down?" Dean nodded. "Yes." 

"You said he saved your life in more ways than one, how so?"

"He would talk to me, tell me stories about nothing in particular at first. Even though I never said anything, he would still talk to me. Almost every day. He only got a couple days off, but when he was there...he would stay with me from the time I woke up until I fell asleep. He even took me outside one night when it rained just because I like the rain. After that night, he would take me outside every day. We would walk around the fenced in yard and he would tell me more stories. Then one day, he told me how he was bullied in school. At the time, I didn't know why he shared something so personal with me. It moved me in a way that compelled me to talk for the first time in months. Why? Because in that moment, I felt a connection to him on a personal level. He wanted nothing more than to help me. To pull me out of the darkness I was in because he knows exactly what it's like. I tried to end my life the day I got there and he saved me. I resented him at first for that. But when I realized he had been in the same dark place, I couldn't help but feel connected to him. He never gave up on me, even when I had given up on myself." He looked at Cas who actually had tears in his eyes. He looked at Dean in complete awe for hearing how Dean felt about him. "No further questions your honor." Uriel said. The judge turned to Wyatt's attorney. "Your witness" Dean looked at the man. He half stood and looked at the judge. "No questions." And sat back down. The judge looked at Dean. "You can step down now son. The court will take another recess for lunch and will return at one pm sharp. Then Mr Williams council may call their first w itness." He banged his gavle. This time, Dean didn't jump. Everyone stood up and began leaving the courtroom.

Everyone was silent as they followed Dean out of the courthouse. Sam broke the silence. "Are we still going to the restaurant for lunch?" He asked. Their dad looked at him. "Yeah, we better hurry so we can get back in time." Dean looked at them. "I'll meet you guys there." Nobody questioned him. They all left to go to the restaurant. Cas stayed behind. "I'll ride with you." They got in the Impala and sat there in silence for a moment. "I meant every word." Dean finally said. Castiel smiled and looked at him. "I know you did." They held each others eyes for a moment until Dean cleared his throat and looked away. He smoothed out his hair with one hand and played with his keys in the other. Cas gently grabbed the hand that was smoothing his hair. Dean was so surprised he dropped his keys but didn't pick them up. Instead he looked at their hands then to Castiel. Without a thought, Dean laced their fingers together. Cas smiled. "I really did mean all of it. You didn't have to. You didn't have to save me, but you did. You didn't have to waste your time on me, but you did. You pulled me out of the darkness and never let go. Never gave up on me. I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you." He stopped, looking for the right words. "Words can express how grateful I am to you. I owe you my life." Cas smiled and shook his head. "You don't owe me anything Dean. After all, I'm just a caretaker." Now it was Dean's turn to shake his head. "No. You're not. You're more than that." Cas tilted his head, giving Dean a confused look. "Then what am I?" Again Dean found himself searching for the right words. When he couldn't find any he leaned closer to Cas, a mere inch away. Cas looked at him in surprise but didn't move away. Dean moved his free hand to Cas' face.  Cas closed his eyes. Dean tilted his head and moved even closer until his lips brushed against Castiel's. He too closed his eyes. He could feel the heat of Cas' breath. He noted it smelled like spearmint gum. He smiled against his lips. Then it hit him, the words he had been searching for. He opened his eyes. "You're my guardian angel." Cas pulled away slightly and opened his eyes.  His face held complete adoration. He let go of Dean's hand, cupping Dean's face with both hands he slowly and gently pulled Dean closer. Dean didn't protest as their lips brushed against each other, closing their eyes. Dean's heat started beating faster but he didn't pull away. "You're my guardian angel Castiel." He repeated the words softly against his lips. Then with no warning, Cas pressed his lips against Dean's. He couldn't bring himself to move away. Instead, he reciprocated the kiss. Castiel's lips sof t and gentle against his. To Dean's surprise, he grabbed Cas' tie and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. He somehow got lost in the feel of Cas' lips. How it was even possible for him to do this, he didn't know and almost didn't care. Maybe because it was Cas, the man who saved him. Who pulled him out of a living hell and made him feel alive again. His lips parted, he breathed against Cas' lips. "Don't leave me." He whispered. He opened his eyes to find Cas was looking at him through those deep blue eyes. "I'm not going anywhere." Dean pulled away a little bit. "Promise?"  Cas smiled. He ran his fingers through Dean's hair. He was silent for a moment before saying, "I promise."


	5. The Words Of The One Person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and Kudos! You guys are AWESOME!

Dean watched Castiel get up, fix his tie, and walk to the stand. About half way there, he turned and looked at Dean. He smiled and winked. Dean smiled. Nobody seemed to notice the exchange. He was sworn in and sat down. "State your full name for the record." Cas cleared his throat and shifted, but he didn't look nervous. "Castiel James Novak."

"Mr. Novak-"

"Cas."

"Right...Cas, Mr Winchester-"

"Dean."

Dean coughed a laugh. In the two seconds Cas had been up there he had embarrassed Wyatt's attorney twice. "Dean." He corrected himself. "Was put under your charge correct?"

"Yes it is."

"And under you care, he tried to end his life?"

"So it would seem."

"Where were you when it happened?"

"Eating. I went to check on him after I ate, which took about fifteen minutes by the way. So Dean was only by himself in his room for fifteen minutes." He left no room for argument. "And when I went to check on him, he was hanging from the bars on his window. I ran to him and got him down then yelled for help, doing CPR before anybody else even got to his room."

Dean's heart clenched. Cas had told him he got him down, but never told him he had done CPR. Cas shifted again, waiting. "So by the time you got there, he wasn't breathing?" 

"No. He wasn't. Hence why I did CPR."

"Castiel, how old are you?"

"I really don't see how that pertains to the current situation, but I'm twenty-one. I will be twenty-two in N ovember."

"And Dean had mentioned in his testimony that you had also been bullied in school, is that correct?"

"Yes."

"What was the reason?"

Cas tilted his head and looked at the man known as Zachariah Smith. Cas didn't say anything at first, but held his look. He shook his head and sighed. "Because like Dean, I came out. When I was fourteen. I was bullied because of it and almost raped myself."

"Almost?"

Cas gave him a serious look. "Yes. Almost. By a few boys on the football team. And I assume you would like me to go into detail." He sat back in his chair. "I was on the cross country team. Practice ran late and we had to share the shower with the football team. Though how can you be straight when you shower with a bunch of guys? Anyway, not the point. The were making joke about how I probably got off on showing with them, which I never even gave that a thought because I only did that to real men." Dean choked down laughter, covering his mouth and pretended it was a cough. Cas looked at him for a second then back to Zachariah. "And I told them as much. Apparently this offended them and for some reason thought it was necessary to prove their 'manhood' by ganging up on me. They knocked me senseless. They all took turns forcing their...private parts in my mouth. Before they got any further than that, my coach walked in and broke it up." Castiel never faltered. His blue eyes fierce. He was clearly not happy with having to relive the memory, but he did. Dean's eyes never left Cas for a second. "I had a broken jaw, broken nose, three cracked ribs, a broken cheekbone, a black eye, and a ruptured re tina .  I I was in the hospital for about a month and a half. I went back to school for one day. One. And the bullying got worse. So when I went home...I tried to hang myself in the closet of my bedroom. Which is ironic because I started my life in the closet and chose to end it in an actual closet."

"Then you ended up in the same facility you work at now, correct?"

"Yes. When my older brother found me, he had checked me in there a few days later."

"How long were you there?"

"Six months."

"And you attempted multip le times?"

"Yes. Because people don't know what it's like and they don't care."

The words hit Dean hard because it was true. Most people don't care what happened. They tell the victim to just get over it. Dean leaned forward in his seat. "When I read Dean's file, I asked for him to be in my charge. Because I have literally felt his pain and I've been in the exact same dark place. I couldn't stand to see someone who used to be so happy look so damaged and broken. Yes, I am gay. And I'm fucking proud of it and I refused to be ashamed of it. Yes, I have tried to kill myself multip le times because I was beaten within an inch of my life and forced to give five football players oral sex. And if you think that what I've been through makes me crazy, and that Dean shouldn't have been in my care in the first place then you're the fucking crazy one. After Dean's attempt in the facility, he refused to eat drink and even talk. Hell, he didn't even look at anybody for about two weeks. And some people even had the nerve to tell me that he was a lost cause. So I asked to come in as much as humanly possible. To the point that they would force me to take a day off. I even worked a lot of second shifts without pay. I talked to him every day. I would take him outside to just walk around and tell him random stories about absolutely nothing. The only progress everyone else had seen is that he was out of bed and eating. But a few weeks after he got there, he was looking out his window at the rain so I took him outside. And do you know what he did? He smiled. I can't even begin to tell you how amazing that was. Since then, he started to trust me. So I returned the favor. About a month ago, I told him what happened to me. That I was bullied and almost raped. And yes, I did tell him about my sexuality. When I told him about my own attack, he talked. For the first time in months. He asked me what I did after that and I told him. I also told him it only takes one person to pull you out of the darkness. And that he has to forgive. He looked me dead in the eye and asked my how he could forgive something like that. I told him he had to let it go. And when he was up here earlier, that was him letting go." Castiel smiled. "Dean is not the same person he was a few months ago." He gestured to Dean. "Look at him." And everyone did. Dean looked around the room at all the people who were now staring at him. "Answer me this: Does that look like a broken person to you? Because all I see is a courageous and heroic young man."

"But a month before his release, he ran away." Zachariah looked at Castiel. It wasn't a question. Dean's eyes met Cas'. "No. He didn't."

"What do you mean he didn't? The camera showed him running out the front door and you chasing after him."

Cas smiled, amused and annoyed. "I woke him up in the middle of the night to take him somewhere." His eyes moved to Zachariah. "What was seen, was actually me running after Dean when I told him to go ahead of me. I told him where my car was parked and we kind of raced each other to it."

"Where did you go?"

"The beach. The beach was sort of therapeutic for me in my time of need. I could shout whatever I wanted and only the waves could hear. And waves don't judge. I told Dean the same thing."

"What did Dean do then?"

"He shouted."

"What did he shout?"

"That's not for me to say. You want to know? Ask him." He turned to the judge as if asking if Dean could speak. The judge looked at Dean. "Mr. Winchester?" Dean slowly stood up. Once again all eyes were on him. He looked at Cas who nodded. "I-" He cleared his throat. "I wanted to know what I did so wrong that I deserved to be..." He took a deep breath. "Raped. And beaten. I mean, what gives him the right to do something like that?" He took a few steps forward. "Every single one of you in this room have been looking at me with pity since I took the stand. The only person who hasn't, is Cas. I'm not here for pity. I'm not here for amusement. I'm here to face my fear so I can move on with my life. I'm here to find out why." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Wyatt took the stand. He was last. After Cas, a few doctor, psychologists, and a student who had seen the attack. The look on his face told Dean he knew he would be found guilty. 

"Did you know Dean before the attack?"

"Not really no. We had a class together maybe."

"You didn't know him, but you would post comments to his Facebook and har ass him during school?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because he's gay."

"Why would his being gay upset you?"

"Because he was right. I've been struggling with my sexuality since I was a kid."

Dean's eyes widened. No fucking way.

"When I heard from my friend what he said, I thought he was calling me out on it. So I attacked him. At the time, I really thought he knew. And I wanted him to keep quiet about it. I don't even know if he actually knew."

Oh he knew. Gays can scen e gays from a mile away. Even one's in the closet.

"I didn't know he was a virgin. And I didn't know what it would do to him. I didn't think it would be that bad, that he would try to kill himself. Even though so many people including me told him to. I never thought he'd actually try." He looked right at Dean. Cas grabbed his hand gently. "Breath Dean." He whispered. Dean took a breath. "I'm sorry Dean. What I did was stupid and so out of line. I really didn't think it was gonna fuck you up man. And now you know why I did it. I hope you can move on now." His voice was sincere. "And I hope one day you can forgive me, even though I don't deserve it." He could feel everyone look at him. He stood up and let go of Cas hand. He heard someone actually hold their breath. "I hated you for what you did. For how you made me feel.  And yeah, I did know you were in the closet but I wasn't calling you out on it. If I were to do that, I would have done it to your face. Not on Facebook or as a joke. I spent weeks just wanting to die, drumming up the balls to do so. Because trust me, unless you're heartless and soulless, it take a lot of balls to kill yourself or even attempt it. Every time I closed my eyes I would see the attack and feel everything all over again. So yeah Wyatt it fucked me up. But you know something?" He walked right up to Wyatt, nobody stopped him. He looked Wyatt in the eyes.

"I forgive you."


	6. The Start Of Something

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the comments!!! They really keep me going so keep then coming!!!

 

The jury was in deliberation. Deciding Wyatt's fate. Dean and Cas were sitting outside the courthouse.  "Do you have any idea how proud of you I am Dean?" Dean looked at him. Castiel was smiling at him. "I meant it Cas. I really do forgive him. Not just for my own sake, but for his too. I think he needed to hear it as much as I needed to say it. He was genuinely sorry."

"How does it feel?"

"Like I can breathe again."

They fell back into silence for a moment. Dean looked out at the street. People walking through downtown going where ever. "Cas?"

"Yeah?"

Dean slowly took Castiel's hand. Cas looked at him. His deep ocean blue eyes shimmering in the sun. Even though they had already shared a kiss in the Impala earlier that day, Dean was still a little afraid to let Cas in. But he knew Castiel would help him through everything. And that was fine by him. He laced their fingers together. He looked down at their hands for a moment then looked back at Cas. He didn't say anything. He knew he didn't have to. He knew Cas could understand everything he was trying to say with nothing more than a look. It was almost as if Cas could see into his soul. Cas simply smiled and leaned in closer. Kissing Dean's forehead he said, "You're welcome."

Everyone took their seats after the judge sat down. "has the jury reached a verdict?" 

"We have your honor."

"Will the defendant please rise?"

Wyatt stood and face the jury. Dean's heart was racing as fast as his mind was. Was there a chance they would find him not guilty? What would happen if he was? He felt Cas' hand move up his back to his neck and to his hair. Cas tugged lightly at the short hair on the back of Dean's head. "Shhh. I've got you." Dean closed his eyes. Of course Castiel know Dean was freaking out. But how did he always know exactly what to say and do to calm Dean down? He felt his breath even out and he opened his eyes. Cas didn't let go. 

"In the charge of aggravated sexual assult, we find Wyatt Williams-"

Dean held his breath. And eerie hush fell over the room. 

"Guilty."

Dean let out his breath. 

"In the charge of assisted attempted suicide-"

What? He didn't know they had charged him with that.

"We find Wyatt Williams guilty."

And just like that, it was over. In that one moment, Dean felt like the world had been lifted from his shoulders. He looked at Cas who was already looking at him. He was looking at him in slight confusion and awe. "Why are you looking at me like that?" Cas seemed to snap to himself at Dean's words. "Your eyes, I've never seen that look in your eyes before."

"What look?" Dean asked, confused.

Cas smiled. "Peaceful." 

~*~*~*~*~*~

Everyone was sitting in the living room. Dean was sitting on the couch and Cas was sitting in front of him on the floor. "We should celebrate." Everyone looked at Cas. "Obviously not the fact that a man has been found guilty and incarcerated, but the fact that Dean took so many huge steps the last few days."

"How do you celebrate something like that?" Dean asked.

"Well, Dean does play guitar and sing. There is a Karaoke bar here in town." Sam chimed in.

Cas looked up at Dean. "Oh really now?"

"Yeah...that's so not gonna happen."

"Oh come on, you're pretty good Dean."

"Yeah, the showerhead gives me a standing ovation every time."

Cas turned halfway around and looked at Dean. "Seriously. When is the last time you did something fun?" Dean thought for a minute. "Before spring break." He admitted. Castiel smiled. "The Karaoke Bar it is then."

Since the Karaoke Bar was a casual place, Dean put on a pair of faded jeans, a plain white t-shirt, and a blue and black plaid short sleeve over shirt .  He stood in the bathroom, yes the bathroom he overdosed in, and looked in the mirror. He put moose in his hair and ran his fingers through it until it had a sli ghtly messy look to it. There was a knock on the door and Sam entered. "Almost ready?" Dean gave himself a once-over in the mirror. "Yup. Let's go."

Since Cas was meeting them there, it was just Dean, Sam, and Meg. They sat through a few tone deaf people when Cas finally arrived. Dean had seen him walk through the doors. He was wearing faded jeans that had a hole above the right knee, and a gray thermal shirt that had an ace of spades with the grim reaper holding a scythe on it. Now that he thought about it, Dean hadn't seen him wear a short sleeve shirt since they've met. He catches Cas' eye and he walked over to them. "What'd I miss?" He asked as he sat next to Dean. "Just some people who think they can sing. But don't worry, there will be plenty more." Sam replied. Cas turned to Dean. "Oh good. I didn't miss you making your debut." Dean rolled his eyes. "Please. Hardly my debut. I've been coming here for years. Which is why I'm allowed to drink here. I actually used to play guitar for the band in high school. So they pay for my drinks whenever I come in." Cas smiled. "I'm impressed. So when are you going up?" Dean took a drink of his beer and looked at Cas. "Right after you do."

"Oh no. I'm not going up there."

"Why not?"

"Well, I can't sing for one."

"You think that stops half the people in this place? It's about having fun."

Cas smiled. "I'll settle for watching you."

"Don't let him fool you Cas, he can sing." Sam chimed in. Dean shrugged and looked at Castiel and took another drink of his beer, setting it down when it was empty. He smiled and got up, walking to the stage. "Oh now he's gonna show off." Sam laughed. Cas looked at him. "How do you know he's gonna show off?" Sam shook his head, still smiling. "I know my brother. Sometimes I thing I know him better than he knows himself." He looked at Cas. "He' s going to show off because he likes you. I think I know what song he's gonna sing too." Cas looked at Dean who was now talking to the band. The guitarist handed Dean his guitar and Dean stepped up to the mic. He looked down at the guitar and started to play. "Okay, so I was wrong about the song." Sam said. Cas knew the song as soon as Dean started playing. Dean moved closer to the mic, looking out at the people he sang.

_ "We'll do it all, everything, on our own. _

_ We don't need anything . Or anyone." _

_ He looked down at the guitar. _

_ "If I lay here, if I just lay here  _

_ would you lie with me and just forget the world." _

He looked at Cas.

_ "I don't quite know how to say _

_ How I feel." _

He looked around the room then back down to the guitar.

_ "Those three words, are said too much.  _

_ It's not enough. _

_ I f I lay here, if I just lay here _

_ Would you lie with me and just forget the world. _

_ Forget what we're told, before we get too old. _

_ Show me a garden that's bursting into life." _

He looked at  Cas and smiled.

_ "Let's waste time, chasing cars around our heads. _

_ I need your grace to remind me of my own." _

Cas smiled back at Dean. Knowing full well he meant to sing that part to him. Sam was right, Dean wasn't just good at singing, he was amazing. His voice was damn near angelic, giving Castiel goosebumps along his arms. Cas hasn't fallen for anyone in a long time. Granted, he had been attracted to Dean for awhile, ar guably since Dean had first spoke. But what attracted Cas to him the most was his personality. Even when Dean wasn't talking Cas knew people gravitated to Dean for some reason. And Cas was now trapped in Dean's gravitational pull, and didn't want to be set free. He noticed Dean was still looking at him. 

_ "If I lay here, if I just lay here would you lie with me and just forget the world. _

_ Forget what we're told, before we get too old. Show me a garden that's bursting into life. _

_ All that am, all that I ever was is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see. _

_  I don't know where, confused about how as well  _

_ just know that these things will never change for us at all. _

_ If I lay here, if I just lay here would you lay with me and just forget the world?" _

When the song was finished, everyone in the room started clapping and cheering. Some even stood including Sam, Meg, and Cas. Dean smiled and bowed shyly before handing the guitar back and stepping down. "Dude you killed it!" Sam said as Dean walked over and sat down. Dean smiled and shrugged. "Not my best, but I'll take it." The rest of the night they just sat and watched everyone else sing. Dean, who had a few too many beers, was about to fall over in his chair. "I'll take him back to my place in the Impala. Sam, you can follow in my car and Meg can follow you so she can take you home. I don't know if the alcohol will bring on flash backs but just in case, it would be better if he slept it off at my place." The two nodded in agreement as Castiel handed Sam his keys then fished the keys to the Impala out of Dean's pocket. Dean jumped slightly but didn't protest. 

"Where we goin'?"

"To my place."

"Really now?"

"Dean, you're drunk."

"And you're beautiful."

Cas chuckled. "Be that as it may, you just going to sleep in my extra room."

He got Dean in the car and looked at Sam. "Just stay close. If you have to stop turn the high beams on then off. I'll pull over and wait. Don't need you running a red light and getting into an accident. Dean would kill me."

Cas parked on the street in front of his house. Sam pulled up next to him. "Just park in the driveway." He told him. Sam nodded and did as he was told. They helped get Dean in the house and up the stairs. "Alright, I got it from here. You two go on." He looked at Meg. "Get him home safe." She nodded. 

"I'll text you when we get there." Sam said as he was halfway out the front door. 

Castiel led Dean to the spare room. He flicked the light on as they entered and gently laid Dean on the bed. He took Dean's shoes off then put his feet on the bed. "Cas." Dean mumbled. Cas looked at him. "Shhh. I've got you Dean."

"Cas..."

"Hey, I'm right here. You're okay."

"Don't let him get me again." 

Cas stopped. He felt his heart drop. He closed his eyes for a moment. He felt movement on the bed so he opened his eyes to see Dean trying to get up so he tried to gently push Dean back down. Dean lost it. His eyes shot open and he grabbed Cas' arms. "No! Get off me!" He yelled, pushing Castiel off of him. Cas instantly backed off. "Stay the hell away from me!" Cas put his hands in front of him. "Dean, it's okay. It's me. It's Cas." Dean looked at him for a second then leaned forward and put his head between his knees. Cas grabbed the small trash can by the bed, raised Dean'd head, and put it under him. A second later Dean was puking into it. Cas sat down on the bed next to him and started rubbing light circles on the back of Dean's head. "And that boys and girls is why I don't drink Tequila." Dean shook his head and raised it a bit. "Don't be an ass about it." He said, seemingly back to himself. Castiel laughed. "Should've just stuck to beer."

"Yeah, well beer wouldn't quite keep the nightmares at bay."

Cas sighed. "I know."

"No. You don't.  You just got your ass beat and sucked a few dudes off." Cas looked at him. He stayed calm. "I was a virgin. And it was taken by force from someone I don't even know! I can never get that back." Cas sighed but held his eyes on him. "Dean, rape is rape. Oral or otherwise." Dean shook his head, about to say something else when he puked again. Cas didn't know if Dean would remember saying it. If he didn't he wasn't going to remind him. But that didn't mean the words hurt any less. But  Cas was willing to chalk it up to Dean being drunk. Dean groaned next to him. "That's the last time I drink Tequila." Cas couldn't help but smile. "I told you not too." He continued rubbing circles on the back of Dean's head. Dean muttered something Castiel didn't understand. "Huh?"

"I said if you keep doing that, I'm gonna fall asleep." 

"That's the general idea."

"How'd you know how to do that?"

 "Lucky guess." 

Dean slowly lowered himself back on to the bed, still on his side. Cas got up. Dean grabbed his hand and Cas looked back at him. "Stay with me? Just until I fall asleep. Please?" Cas turned the rest of the way to face him. "Are you sure?" Dean nodded, eyes half closed. How the hell could he say no to that? He sat down and moved behind Dean, sitting up so he wouldn't fall asleep then resumed rubbing circles on the back of Dean's head. Dean hummed, making Cas smile. 

It didn't take Dean long to fall asleep. Cas slowly got off the bed. He pulled the throw blanket over Dean then walked to the door. He turned off the light and looked back at Dean. He looked so peaceful in his sleep. Cas smiled as he closed the door behind him, leaving it cracked open just in case. He walked down the hall to his room, leaving his door open a crack so he could hear if Dean had a nightmare. He sighed as he took off his shirt and threw it in the dirty clothes. He rubbed his forearm for a second before removing his pants and throwing them in the hamper as well. He crawled into his bed and pulled the comforter halfway over him and looked at the ceiling. He smiled again at the thought of seeing Dean fast asleep before letting sleep take him. 

When he woke up the next morning, he got up and walked down the hallway. He opened the door to the spare room to see Dean was still fast asleep. Sprawled out across the bed on his back and snoring. Castiel shook his head and laughed quietly to himself. He walked back down the hallway to his room, rubbing his head. He went into his bathroom and turned the shower on, checking the temperature before he stepped in. 

He had just gotten out when he heard Dean yelling. He quickly put on his boxers and ran to the spare room, throwing the door open. Dean looked at him, a mix of horror and confusion. "It's okay Dean. You're at my house."

The horror was gone, but the confusion remained. "What the hell am I doing at your house?"

"You were pretty out of it last night so I brought you here in case you had flashbacks or something."

"Did I?"

"For a minute."

Dean nodded, looking away for a moment. Then he looked back at Cas. "Why are you in your boxers...and wet?" Cas looked down then looked back at Dean. "I just got out of the shower."

"Oh. Wait...I didn't drive here did I?"

Cas laughed. "No. I drove you here in the Impala. Sam followed me in my car and meg in hers so she could take Sam home." Dean nodded then collapsed back onto the bed. "God, a shower sounds amazing right now." Cas laughed again. "Well the guest bath is right across the hall. I'm sure I have something that will fit you. I'll leave the clothes by the door. You shower, I'll make breakfast. Something that will cure a hangover I would imagine."

Dean groaned. "You would imagine correctly." He put his arm over his face. "Jesus Christ don't ever let me drink Tequila again." Cas smiled and shook his head. "Noted." He turned to leave.

"Cas?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry for what I said last night."

Cas turned back to him. "You remember that?"

"Vaguely , but yes."

"It's okay Dean."

Dean sat up, then stood up. He swayed a bit but stayed on his feet. He closed the gap between them. "No, it's not."

"Dean-"

"Just shut up and listen. It's not okay. I had no right to say that. We've both been through some pretty fucked up shit. It was stupid of me to play 'who's more fucked up' and I'm sorry." Cas looked at him. He didn't say anything for a moment. "Apology accepted. Now go take a shower. You smell like Tequila and vomit." Dean groaned. "Oh my God I threw up?" 

"Yup."

"Where?"

"In that trash can by the bed."

"Awesome..."

As dean showered, Cas dug through his dresser to see if he had anything for Dean to wear. Dean was actually a little bit taller than Cas but it's not like anything he chose would be too small on Dean. He settled for an old AC/DC shirt and a pair of jeans that were too big for him but couldn't return. He folded them and set them in front of the bathroom door. He knocked. 

"Yeah?"

"The clothes are right in front of the door."

"Alright. Thanks."

"I'll be downstairs when you're done."

"Okay."

Fighting the urge to walk in there, Cas forced himself to go downstairs. He went in the kitchen. He decided on making bacon, egg, and cheese breakfast sandwiches.  He went to the fridge and pulled out bacon and two eggs. He fried four strips of bacon in one pan and fried the two eggs in the other. He grabbed two wheat English muffins out of the cupboard, pulled both apart and put all four pieces in the toaster for two minutes. It wasn't long before Dean came down. He sat on a stool at the counter, rubbing a towel on his head. "Christ that smells good." Cas smiled and continued cooking, flipping the eggs and the bacon. He pulled two slices of cheese out of the fridge and  grabbed the English muffins. He put the cheese on the bottom half. Then grabbed a spatula and put the egg on top of the cheese. Then put the bacon on the egg and covered it with the top of the English muffin. He put the sandwich on a plate and set it in front of Dean. Dean took a bite. "Oh God!" 

"Cas will do."

"This is amazing!"

"I know. I cooked it. And don't talk with food in your mouth. It's rude. Not to mention gross." Dean chewed then swallowed his bite. "Sorry."  Cas put his own sandwich together and joined Dean. "It's not a big deal, it's just food. Anybody can cook." Dean took another bite, closing his eyes. Cas rolled his eyes and took his own bite. "This is better than sex." Cas almost choked. He looked at Dean, after finishing his bite he said "How would you know? You've never actually had sex." Dean thought for a second. "Huh. You're right."

"Of course I am."

"Have you?"

"What? Actually had sex?"

Dean nodded.

"Well yeah, why?"

Dean shrugged and continued eating. They sat in silence as they ate until Castiel broke it. "I still see you as one you know." Dean looked at him. "What? A virgin?" Cas pushed his plate away and put his arms on the counter. "Yeah. Why wouldn't I? In my book, what happened doesn't count. For me or for you." He looked at Dean. "So yes. I still see you as a virgin." He turned his whole body to face Dean, who was looking at him. 

"I just noticed something."

"What?"

"You're not wearing a shirt."

Cas looked down. Sure enough, he forgot to put a shirt on. He was only wearing sweatpants. He looked back at Dean who was smiling. He watched as Dean's eyes wandered down his torso, then to his arms. His smile faded. "Cas, your arms." Again Castiel looked down. There were multiple scars across both his wrists. He looked back up at Dean. Dean turned to face him, gently grabbing one wrist and turning it to see better. His eyes met Cas'. "Is that-"

"From my multiple attempts? Yeah." Dean didn't say anything. He looked back down and slowly traced his fingers over the scars. "So that's why you always wear long sleeves." He said finally. Cas nodded, unable to say anything. They sat in silence until Castiel cleared his throat. He stood up and grabbed his plate and Dean's. "I better clean up." He walked around the counter, grabbing both pans and put them in the sink along with the plates. "Cas-"

"It's fine Dean." He turned the water on and rinsed off the dishes, then put them in the dishwasher. He put dish-washing liquid in the dispenser, closed it and turned it on. "Cas, come on." He stood up. "I said it's fine Dean. Now drop it." He started to walk around the counter past Dean. Dean moved in front of him. "How is that fair? You help me with my problems but the second yours come up you want me to drop it? I'm sorry but I can't do that. You've helped me so much  Cas . Please let me help you with yours. I know you probably suffered by yourself with everything, and that's probably why you wanted to help me. All it takes is one person right? I want to be that one person." Cas looked up at him. A few months ago if someone would have told him that Dean would be helping him, he probably would have laughed. Now, looking in to those gorgeous green eyes, he knew Dean was telling the truth. Cas couldn't say anything. So he did the first thing that came to his mind. He put a hand on Dean's cheek. He slowly moved his head forward until his face was barely an inch from Dean's. Dean didn't move away or flinch. He kept his eyes on Cas. Cas pressed his lips against Dean's. He ran his hands down Dean's arms. Dean shuttered. Cas walked him back all the way to the living room and stopped. He pulled Dean closer. He brushed his tongue against his lips and Dean parted them, taking in a breath. He did it again. Dean's lips stayed the same, so Cas brushed his tongue a gainst Dean's. Dean moaned and pulled Cas even closer. Cas walked him back to the couch and lowered him onto it. He pressed their bodies together causing Dean to moan again. He could feel Cas getting hard. Not only that, he was getting hard as well. He closed his eyes and allowed Cas more entry past his lips, Cas took the offering. Dean slid his hands up Cas' torso. Cas put a hand on Dean's hip. He felt Cas fingers slide across the lining of his jeans. He stiffened and his eyes flew open. Cas pulled away. "We won't do that." He said, knowing exactly what Dean was thinking. "Not until you're ready. I won't force you. If you want to stop, we can." Dean looked at him and nodded. "I don't want to do that. Not yet." Cas nodded and started to get up. Dean grabbed his hand. "But I don't want to stop." Cas looked at him. Dean knew there were other ways of doing this. He had a feeling Cas knew every single one. And he trusted Cas. Castiel lowered himself on to Dean. "You don't have to." He said finally. Dean nodded. "I know." Cas kissed him on the forehead. "I don't want to set you off." Dean moved so he could look at him. "I'll tell you. Besides, there's more than one way to skin a cat." Cas laughed. "Well look at you." He kissed him. "The second you feel it's too much, tell me and I'll stop. Like I said, we won't do that. And like you said, more than one way." 

Dean nodded. "I know you would never hurt me." He took a breath and closed his eyes. "Okay." And Cas' mouth was on his. Dean parted his lips and Cas' tongue explored his mouth. Dean pulled him closer. His hands sliding up his torso. Cas wasn't big, but he had muscle. He moved his hands along every inch of Cas' skin that wasn't covered. Cas moaned and slid his hands up Dean's shirt, then he pulled it over Dean's head and dropped it on the floor. Dean moved his hands to Cas' hips and Cas pushed himself against Dean. For a nineteen year old, he had  a gorgeous body. He could get lost in it for days. He moved his hands to Dean's jeans, sliding his fingers along his stomach. Dean moaned. 

Dean felt Cas move his hand just below the waist of his jeans and stop, looking at him. Well, so far so good so Dean nodded. Cas kissed Dean's neck and made his way down. Dean closed his eyes. When Cas reached his jeans, he stopped again. Dean looked down at him. Cas smiled. He put the fabric between his teeth and pulled then jerked hi s head. Then took the zipper between this teeth and pulled it down. "Did you just-"

"Yup."

"With your-"

"Yup."

"Now that is fucking sexy."

Cas smiled. He pulled his jeans down just a little bit and brushed his lips against Dean's erection. "Your dick agrees." He breathed. _'Jesus Christ could he get anymore sexy right now?'_ He pulled Dean's jeans down even more and kissed his thigh. Dean's dick twitched in his boxers. Cas played with the elastic on them for a moment before pulling them down as well. Dean wasn't quite ex pecting what happened next. Cas' tongue ran his leng th. 'Holy shit!' He arched his back. Cas grabbed his hips. He swirled his tongue around the tip of Dean's  dick . Dean moaned loudly.  Cas closed his mouth around him and moved his mouth down the shaft. Putting his hand where he couldn't take the rest. He moved his mouth up and down slowly, moving his hand in rhythm. With his free hand, he pulled his pants and boxers down and touched himself. Trying very hard not to get off by just listening to Dean. He looked up. Dean's eyes were closed and he was biting his lip. _Fuck, this boy was going to kill him_. He moved his mouth and hand faster. He listened for any sign of Dean needing to stop. When nothing did, he continued. He moved up and rubbed his dick on Dean's taking both of them in one hand. Dean moaned as Cas moved his hips back and forth. Dean still had his eyes closed. "Cas..." He moaned. _Fuck._ Hearing him moan his name like that damn near sent him over the edge. "I've got you baby." He breathed. Dean clawed at the couch. Cas knew he was getting close. He smiled. "That's it. Let go Dean. Come for me." He moved his hips faster. Dean arched his back, moaning. "Oh God!" He moaned. Seconds later, he was coming. His body shaking with his orgasm. "Cas" He moaned. That sent Cas over the edge. He thrust a few more times. Then he was coming. Moaning as he felt the release of it. His body went rigid. He stayed there until their breathing evened out then looked at Dean, whose eyes were now open. "You okay?" Cas asked. Dean nodded. "Yeah. I'm good. Nothing bad." He said breathlessly. Cas nodded. "Good." He smiled. "We should probably get cleaned up now." Dean nodded in agreement. 

They both went upstairs to clean up. Cas was almost to his room. "Cas?" He turned around. Dean was only a few inches away. He put his hands on Cas' hips and kissed him on the lips. "Don't look now Cas, but I think I'm falling for you." He breathed against C astiel's lips. Cas' breath caught. He kissed Dean back then pressed his forehead on Dean's. "Well that's good. Because I think I'm falling for you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DID IT! THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER WITH 5,199 WORDS!!!! Anyways...what are you thoughts on the chapter and/or the story so far?


	7. Nightmare Come True

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments and Kudos! Y'all are awesome!!!

They were sitting on the couch watching Doctor Who. Cas was finally wearing a t-shirt. Dean didn't pay much attention to the show since he'd seen most of them anyway. He had his head leaned back on the couch and was absently running his fingers across the scars on Cas' wrists. Cas paused the show and looked at Dean. "Their from when I was in the institution." He began. Dean lifted his head and looked at him. "I think, the reason why they beat me half to death was because they actually wanted me dead. Like my existence repulsed them. None of them said as much during the trial. And all five of them were charged with attempted murder and assisted attempted suicide." He paused. Dean sat up all the way. "They didn't apologize." His voice cracked. Dean had never seen Cas like this. He leaned forward and took his hand. Cas let out a shaky breath and looked away. Dean moved his head back to face him. "Cas. You've seen me at my worst. You didn't give up on me and I swear, I won’t give up on you. You told me to let go. You were there when I did. I will be right here. I'm not going anywhere." Whatever control Castiel had vanished. He slumped over, putting his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean put his arms around him. His body shaking with sobs. "They didn't even say they were sorry Dean. They didn't even care." He said through the broken sobs. Dean tightened his arms around him. "They didn't care they ruined my life. They really wanted me dead!" He grabbed a fistful of Dean's shirt. "I started just cutting myself after that. It helped for awhile. Then I went to a party when I was seventeen and got into drugs. They would numb the pain for so long." He took a breath. "I check myself in to rehab when I was eighteen and basically pretended I was fine from that moment on." He lifted his head and looked at Dean. "You want to know when my last attempt was?" Dean knew he didn't need to answer. "The night of your last attempt." Dean froze. He remembered it all too well. 

"When I saw you hanging there, I swear to God I was myself back in that fucking closet. I got you down and you weren't breathing. I was yelling for help. I started doing CPR on you. As soon as you started breathing, a few nurses came in and we got you on your bed. I left right after that. I went to the beach. The same beach I took you to. I grabbed boogie board and went into the water. All of the memories of them, and hanging myself, I couldn't do it. So I drowned myself and made it look like an accident. Some guy saw me and pulled me out. I was rushed to the hospital, I was actually dead in the ambulance and had been for at least a few minutes. All together, I was dead for about thirty minutes. Nobody could bring me back. Not one fucking person. Except you." Dean looked at him, confused. "It was you Dean. You came to me. You told me that you needed me and that I couldn't give up." He paused to wipe the tears from his eyes. "I told you all it takes is one person. You said you wanted to be that one person. You are. I wanted to tell you but I didn't know how. So I said it was Hannah." He looked down. His voice grew quiet. "I had to help you because it was you who pulled me from the dark Dean. I tried everything to get you to says s omething. Anything. So I took a chance. I went to the prison and visited all five of them and I tried so hard to forgive them, but how can you forgive people who hate your very existence?" He looked back up at Dean. "But I did. It wasn't easy by any stretch, but I did. And I meant it. Then the next day, I told you what happened to me." Dean looked at him in silence, taking all of it in. Cas didn't get the same closer he did. Wyatt was truly sorry. These five guys weren't. "I can't bring myself to regret what happened to me, because if it hadn't happened I never would have met you." Dean looked at him. He felt the exact same way. 

"Cas, when I'm with you everything stops. Everything. The world, hell time it's self. Even then in the hospital. When ever you were gone I felt like a piece of me was missing." Cas half smiled. "You will never know how much I need you Dean." 

"Oh, I'm sure I have a pretty good idea."

They sat in silence for awhile until Cas calmed down. Dean still had his arms around him. "How long did it take you to have sex...you know, after?" He asked Cas hummed in thought. "About three years maybe. A lot of the time it was drug induced so I didn't think much."

"Did you ever have flashbacks?"

"A few times. Why?"

"I didn't. I mean, with you earlier. I didn't have one."

"That's a good thing Dean."

Dean nodded. For a moment, he wanted to push his luck. He leaned back on the couch, keeping one arm around Cas. He grabbed the remote and pressed play, hoping Doctor Who would take his mind off of it. Cas leaned on Dean and Dean laid his head back on the couch. "If you could travel with one Doctor, which one would it be?" Cas asked. Dean was grateful for the distraction. "That's easy. The tenth doctor. He is my favorite after all." Cas looked up at him and smiled. "You'd do him." He laughed. Dean lifted his head. "Don't act like you wouldn't either. He's clearly the best looking one." He grinned. Cas rolled his eyes and turned back to the T.V. Dean ran his fingers through Cas' hair. Cas hummed. He laid his head on Dean's hip. Dean closed his eyes. 'why did he have to do that?' He thought. He let his mind wander to earlier. Cas' mouth on his dick, moving slowly down his shaft. His dick twitched. He opened his eyes and looked down at Cas, wondering if he noticed. From his angle, he probably would have seen out of the corner of his eye. "Are you thinking things that you should be Dean?" There was his answer. 

The sound of thunder interrupted his thoughts. He looked out the window to see it was raining. Cas sat up and Dean looked at him. He thought back to when Cas snuck him outside after lights out just so Dean could stand in the rain. Cas stood up. "Care to do a reenactment?" He smiled. He was thinking about it to then. Dean stood up and they walked to the front door. Cas opened it. They both stood there for a moment until Dean took Cas' hand and smiled at him, pulling him into the rain alongside him. He ran to the grass and slipped, landing on his back. He forgot to let go and pulled Cas down with him. They had only been outside a few seconds and they were already soaked. Cas would have landed on Dean if he hadn't put his arm out to brace his fall. Dean started laughing. Cas laughed with him. Dean let his head fall back to the wet grass and took a deep breath. Man he loved the smell of wet earth. He closed his eyes and sighed contently. A few months ago if someone would have told him that he would be this happy, he would have thought them crazy. He felt Castiel's lips brush against his and he moved into them. He could feel Cas smile a bit. "Come on. Let's get you back inside before you get sick." Dean opened his eyes and Cas pulled him up. Dean put his hands on Cas' hips and pulled him closer. He pushed his lips on Cas'. Cas made no protest. Remembering what  Cas had done earlier, he flicked his tongue across Cas' lips. They parted and Cas took a sharp breath. Dean wasted little time. A second later he was exploring the wet and warmth of Castiel's mouth. Getting hard when Cas moaned. Dean slid his hands up Cas' shirt, feeling his smooth wet skin. He walked Cas backwards to the front door. He opened it with one hand. Cas kicked it the rest of the way. When they were all the way inside, Dean pulled Castiel's shirt over his head and kicked the door closed. He took off his own shirt and dropped both on the floor. He ran his fingers down Cas' torso to his waist, tu gging at his belt then undoing it. Cas opened his eyes and looked at Dean. He didn't say anything. He just held Cas' eyes for a moment. "Only if you're absolutely sure Dean." He whispered. Dean kissed him. "I'm sure about you. That's the only thing that matters. I need you Cas. Not only that, I want you. I want to feel you." He told him as he unbuttoned Cas' jeans. He kissed Cas' neck as he unzipped his jeans and pulled them down. Cas kicked them off. As Cas ran a hand down Dean's back, he took off his own jeans and kicked them off. He walked Cas back to the stairs. Pausing their lip-lock to climb them only to resume when they had reached the top. 

He pulled Cas close by his hips and continued walking him back to his room. Cas moved a hand down Dean's torso to his waist and played with the elastic of Dean's boxers. He brushed a finger across the tip of Dean's dick causing him to moan into Cas' neck. He lowered  Cas to the bed and pulled down his boxers. Cas moved his hips up so he could pull them all the way off. Dean didn't really get to see Cas' length. Now that he had, he realized Cas was well endowed. Dean wasn't lacking in that department, but Cas clearly had him beat. He swirled his tongue around the tip of Cas' dick. Cas fell back on to the bed and moaned. Dean closed his mouth around Cas' dick and moved down the shaft. Cas grabbed a fistful of Dean's hair, moaning. Dean put his hand on what he couldn't take and moved it in rhythm with his mouth. He moved a little faster and Cas moved his hips in rhythm. "Dean..." He moaned. Dean looked up at him. "God Dean...I want to feel you inside me." Dean stopped. He moved up and looked at Cas. "You know I don't know how." Cas lifted his head and looked at him. "Don't think about it. Just do what feels right. Again, you don't have to if you don't want to." Dean thought for a moment then flashed a grin. "When was the last time this happened?" He asked jokingly. Cas huffed a laugh. "A while. And I'll tell you this: You make it so damn hard for me to  not  want you. Especially right now." Dean smiled. Cas propped himself on an elbow. "Here's a tip for you, fingers first." Dean looked at him in confusion for a second. Cas rolled over and opened the drawer of his night stand and pulled out a bottle of lube and handed it to Dean. "Only if you want to. If not, then by all means put that amazing mouth of yours back to work." He smiled. Dean looked at the bottle for a second then took it.  Fingers first. He moved back down and opened the bottle, squirting a drop on his fingers and tossing it aside. He took  Cas back in his mouth and continued. He slowly rubbed his finger around Cas' entrance and Cas inhaled sharply through his teeth. 

Dean slowly slid his finger inside Cas and stopped, feeling it tighten around his finger. Cas' breath caught when Dean moved his finger in more then pulled it out slowly. Dean added another finger and moved a little faster, making his fingers match his mouth. Twisting them as he moved. Cas fell back on the bed and grabbed a fistful of sheet. Jesus Christ he wanted Dean. At this point he was pretty sure he wanted Dean more than life itself. He felt Dean add one more finger and Cas almost lost it. "Dammit Dean, for a virgin you're an awfully big tease. If you don't get inside me right now I'm going to fucking lose my shit." 

Dean sat up and grabbed the bottle, squirting a drop on his dick and his hand and rubbed it around. The lube warmed instantly taking Dean by surprise for a second. He rubbed some on Cas' entrance and moved closer. He looked at Cas. "Just start slow." Dean nodded and looked down. His heart started racing. "Stop thinking Dean. Just feel it." He nodded again and put the tip of his dick on Cas' entrance. He paused for a second then slowly pushed himself in. His brain shut down and his body took over. He slowly pulled out then pushed in a little more. Cas' breath started picking up. Dean moaned loudly as he pushed himself the rest of the way inside of  Cas . Words could not describe how fucking  amazing it felt. He took  Cas in his hand and stroked him in rhythm with his hips. He wondered for a second if this is how he felt when...

He stopped. His eyes flew open. Cas noticed the abrupt stop and sat up. Dean's breathing became labored. "Dean?" He felt dizzy like he was going to pass out. His heart pounded in his chest. He put his hands on the bed and didn't move. "Dean!" Cas was right next to him now. Clear concern in his voice. "Dean, hey. What's wrong?" Cas didn't touch him for fear of Dean losing it. Dean didn't look at him. "Cas..." He gasped between rapid breaths. He grabbed at Cas' shoulder. "Can't..." Was all he could get out. 

Cas then knew what was going on. Dean was having a panic attack. He quickly moved Dean to the end of the bed and put his head between his knees. Then he ran downstairs to the kitchen throwing open all the cupboards. "Come on....come on...where the fuck are they...!" He found the paper bags he uses for work. He grabbed them and ran back upstairs almost tripping over boxers as he ran in his room. He took one bag out and opened it. He closed the top of it and put it in Dean's hand then forced it to Dean's mouth. "Breath in it Dean. Try to take as many deep breaths as you can." This was his fault. He knew better than to let Dean go through with it. It's too soon. "Chest....hurts..."

"I know it does. It's okay. You're going to be okay. It'll stop soon." He squeezed his eyes shut and gently kissed Dean's temple. If he didn't put his own stupid desires before Dean's needs. He should have told Dean no, should have told him not to do it. He should have stopped him. Cas started rubbing circles into the back of Dean's head. He didn't know how long they were sitting there until Dean's breath finally leveled out. Cas was leaning against the bed, still soothing Dean. Dean lowered the bag and rubbed his forehead. "My head is killing me." Cas jumped at his voice and looked at him. "I'll get you some aspirin." He got up and went to his bathroom grabbing the bottle shaking two tiny pills out. He filled the cup he always keeps in there halfway with water and walked out. He handed both of them to Dean. Dean took the pills and took a drink of the water. Then he fell back on the bed. Cas moved to the dresser and grabbed a dry pair of boxers and put them on. He threw another pair at Dean. "What just happened?" Dean asked. Cas moved to his closet, finding a pair of jeans and putting them on. "A panic attack. Bad one too." He grabbed a random long sleeve shir t and put it on. He grabbed a shirt and jeans for Dean and set them beside him. He sat at the edge of the bed, away from Dean. "Get dressed. I'll take you home in the Impala." Dean sat up. "How will you get back?" He asked as he put the boxers on. "Walk probably." Dean dressed in silence. Cas didn't look at him. "Cas...I'm sorry." Cas stood up and turned to Dean. "Don't be. For the love of God, please don't be. I'm the one who should be apologizing Dean. I shouldn't have let it get that far. I should have stopped you. I put myself before you. I just caused you to have a fucking panic attack, for what? Just so I could get off?" He sighed. "I knew better than to let you but I let you anyway."

"I wanted to Cas..."

"Wanting to and being ready to are two totally different things Dean. And I won't make this mistake again." Dean blinked. "What the hell does that mean?" Cas didn't answer. He walked past Dean and down the stairs. He grabbed the keys to the Impala and walked to the door. "Cas-" Cas didn't look at him. "I'll wash your clothes and have them back to you to night." He opened the door. It stopped raining. Dean could smell the wet ground from where he stood. Cas waited for Dean to walk out so he could close the door and lock it.

When they got to Dean's house, he pulled into the driveway and turned the car off. He didn't say anything as he handed Dean the keys and got out. He was halfway down the drive way. "Cas, hey." Dean grabbed his wrist spinning him around to face him. Cas pulled free and looked at him. "I'm sorry Dean. I won't make that mistake again." He continued walking. Leaving Dean just standing in the driveway.

Cas closed the front door behind him and leaned against it. He looked down to see the still wet clothes from earlier. He picked them up and walked to the laundry room. Then walked upstairs to the gets bath and grabbed Dean's clothes. He looked at them for a second. He didn't take advantage of Dean when he was drunk so why did he do it when he was sober. Part of him knew Dean wouldn't be able to handle it. And all of him knew it was way too soon. He sighed and walked into his room grabbing the two pairs of still damp boxers. He walked back downstairs and put the clothes in the washer, adding laundry detergent he closed the lid and started the machine. He walked over to the dish washer and put the dishes away in their correct place. He walked into the living room. Doctor Who was still paused. He picked up the remote and turned the T.V. off, throwing the remote on the couch. He sat on the arm, lost in thought. Why didn't he just stop Dean? Why didn't he just tell Dean it was a bad idea? He closed his eyes and sighed. He couldn't do that again. He wouldn't let himself. Dean has come so far. So fucking far and it almost came crashing down today. Sometimes it was easy for Cas to forget about what happened to Dean because of the progress he's made. His phone buzzed on the kitchen counter. He walked over to it and unlocked it. It was a text from Dean. He sighed and turned his phone off without reading the message. He couldn't find the right words to explain to Dean right now.

About an hour later, the clothes were dry. He folded Dean's clothes and put them in a plastic bag. He really hoped Sam or John would answer the door when he got there. He debated on even going at all but he did tell Dean he would have his clothes back by tonight. He sighed and grabbed the keys to his car. He walked out the door, closing and locking it behind him. The mail man had just put mail in Cas' mailbox. He decided to check it later. He got in the car, throwing the bag of clothes in the passenger seat. Backing out of the driveway, he made his way to Dean's.

It only took about fifteen minutes with light traffic. He parked on the street, looking at the Impala as he passed. He knocked on the door, thankful when Sam answered. "Hey Cas. Dean's upstairs. Want me to get him for you?" 

"Uh, no. I was just returning his clothes. I washed them for him."

"Yeah, he told me he puked his guts out last night." Sam smiled. Did Dean not say anything to his brother about what happened? Sam stepped outside. Cas looked over the kid's shoulder to see Dean walking down the stairs. They made eye contact and Dean froze. Sam closed the door behind him a little with no knowledge of the fact that dean was standing on the stairs and could probably hear them. "He also told me about what happened when you two...you know." Cas looked away from Dean and to Sam. "He's been texting you for like an hour."

"I know. I turned my phone off."

"Why?"

"I'm going to assume that has a  dual meaning."

"Yeah, it does."

"One, it happened because I was dumb enough to let it. I knew something like this would probabl y happen and I did nothing to stop it. Two, I think he need distance from me for a few days."

"He's crazy about you  Cas ."

"And I him Sam. I went about today the wrong way and I can't let it happen again. I made a bad judg ment call today. I put myself before his well being."

"Did you stop and think maybe he wanted to put you first? Think about it Cas. You have always put him first. Maybe he was just trying to return the favor." Cas didn't think about it like that.

"Be that as it may Sam, I'll tell you the same thing I told him. Wanting to and being ready to are two totally different things. Just because you want to do something, doesn't mean you should. Especially in this situation." Sam nodded. "I see what you're saying." He took the bag from Cas. 

"I'll make sure he gets this."

"Thank you Sam."

"No problem. And do me a favor will ya?"

"What?"

"Text him back. He's going nuts."

Cas sighed. "I will." Sam backed into the house. Cas looked back at the stairs. Dean was still standing there. He looked at Dean a moment longer then turned around and walked away. 

He pulled in his driveway fifteen minutes later, turning the car off. He got out and went to the mailbox and grabbed the contents. He unlocked the front door and kicked it closed behind him after he entered. Locking it without even looking. He sorted through the mail. He saw one from the court and rolled his eyes thinking it was another stupid jury summons. He opened it and read the contents. He dropped everything in his hands. He ran to the counter and grabbed his phone, turning it on. When his lock screen came up, he unlocked it. His fingers dialed franticly. As soon as the call connected he put the phone to his ear. 

"Cas?"

"How fast can you get here?" He knew he sounded frantic and scared.

"Cas, what's wrong?"

"Just- how fast can you get here?"

"I'll be there in five."

Dean hung up and grabbed the keys to the Impala and ran downstairs two at a time. "Where's the fire kid?" John asked. Dean put his shoes on. "Something's wrong with Cas."

"He just left."

"Yeah, I know Sammy. He just called me asking how long it would take for me to get to his house. He sounded scared out of his mind." He threw open the front door, slamming it as he left. He jumped in the Impala and turned the key. As soon as it roared to life, he threw it in reverse and peeled out of the driveway. Throwing it in drive, he stomped on the gas and the back end swerved halfway down the road. Burning rubber and leaving a thick cloud of white smoke in it's wake. 

He parked the car on the street five minutes later and got out. He ran up the lawn to the front door. Knowing Cas, he probably heard Dean from a block away and already unlocked the door. He was right. He threw the door open to see Cas sitting on the floor leaning against the couch. "Cas?" He took a step forward and heard something beneath his feet. He looked down. A bunch of un-opened mail and a few pieces of paper. He picked the papers up. "Read it." Cas said quietly. Dean looked at the papers and read. He looked at Cas. "This is a fucking joke, right?" Cas shook his head. The whole time he didn't look at Dean. "When?"

"Today. I guess that got lost in the mail or something because I just got it today." Cas put a bottle to his lips. Dean looked at it. "Is that... _vodka_?" 

"Yup."

"When did you start drinking that?"

"Right after we hung up."

"How much was in there when you started?"

"Full bottle."

Dean looked at it again. It was half empty. It was a big bottle. Cas laughed but it held no amusement. "Three Dean." He said taking another long drink. Dean walked over to him and sat down beside him. "Cas-"

"Three Dean!" He repeated in a half yell.

"And that's enough  vodka for you." 

"Screw you."

"Because that worked so well the first time."

Cas shot him a look. "I'm so glad this is amusing you Dean."

"It's not. Not one bit. You're only doing this because you're scared."

"You're fucking right I'm scared. Wouldn't you be? Oh wait, Wyatt was actually sorry. These guys _do not give a fuck_!" He yelled the last words. Dean sighed and got up. "The fuck are you doing?" Dean ignored him. He went to every window and locked them. Then locked the back door and the front door. He kicked off his shoes and walked back over to Cas. He put one arm around his neck and lifted Cas to his feet. He grabbed the bottle from Cas. "The fuck are you doing?" Cas repeated. Dean made his way to the stairs. "Putting you to bed." He set the bottle on the kitchen counter as they passed. "I wasn't done with that." Cas slurred, the alcohol clearly taking effect now. "You've had enough for tonight." He helped Cas up the stairs and to his room. He laid Cas down on his bed on his side. He walked to the bathroom and grabbed the trash can. He set it right under Cas' head. He lifted Cas up and pulled his shirt off. Then took off his shoes. He opted for leaving his pants on. He walked around the upstairs, locking every window. He pulled his phone out. 10:30 pm. He unlocked his phone and called Sam.

"Dean, hey."

"Hey Sammy. I'm gonna stay with Cas tonight. He got some bad news and doesn't want to be by himself."

"What news? Like a death in the family?"

Dean paused then sighed. "Three of the guys who attacked him were released earlier today."

"Holy shit! Can't they send cops over to the house to like keep watch? I mean what if they try to go after him?"

"He thinks they will Sammy. He's fucking terrified. And the cops won't drop everything to look after one person." He leaned in the doorway of Cas' room. Cas had already passed out. "I am impressed by how much vodka he drank in less than five minutes though."

"What? He's drunk?"

"Sammy, he's not just drunk. The man is drink at this point. I'm pretty sure he's ninety-five percent vodka." 

"Oh man. Has he thrown up yet?"

"Nope. He's passed out. But I put a trash can under his head and laid him on his side so he's good."

After he hangs up with Sam, he goes downstairs to the kitchen and grabs the biggest knife he could find. Just in case. He climbs the stairs and walks in to Cas' room. He looks at him for a minute. He smiles as Cas twitches in his sleep. He shakes his head and moves to Cas. Lifting his upper body so he can pull the blankets down. When he manages that, he lifts his legs and puts them under the comforter, pulling it up to his shoulder. He kissed Cas on the forehead and moves to the other side of the bed. Grabbing the knife as he passes. He put it under his pillow then took off his shirt. He pulled the comforter down and crawled into the bed. He watched Cas sleep for while before falling  asleep himself.

Cas' eyes flew open. The last thing he remembered was calling Dean and sitting on the floor, drinking vodka. He sat up. He was in his room. How the hell did he manage to get to his room? He heard a noise behind him. He jumped and turned his head. Next to him, Dean was fast asleep. Cas ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. Did it really take him only a few minutes to get drunk? How much did he drink anyway? He rolled out of bed. He saw the trash can from the bathroom next to the bed. Dean must have put it there. Cas laughed softly at the thought of Dean taking care of him in the same twenty-four hour stretch Cas had taken care of him. He stood up and looked at his clock. 3:37 am. He walked downstairs and to the kitchen. He looked at the half empty bottle of vodka as he passed. Well, now he knows how he got so drunk in a few minute span. Vodka always hit him hard and fast. He sighed and moved to the fridge. He grabbed a bottle of water and drank the whole thing, throwing it in the trash when he was done. 

He was halfway up the stairs when he heard a noise at the back door. He stopped and slowly walked down the stairs. He stood in the dining room where he could see the back door. The door slowly unlocked then opened. Cas hit the floor out of sight. He crawled upstairs to his room. He jumped on the bed and shook Dean. "Dean! Someone is in the house!" Dean shifted but didn't wake. He kept shaking him. "Dean! For fuck sake wake up!" Dean opened his eyes. 

"Cas? What's wrong?"

"Someone just broke into the house!"

Dean sat up and grabbed the knife from under the pillow. "Drop it." Cas turned to see three figures enter the room. He backed up to the headboard, hearing a gun click. Dean dropped the knife on the floor. "Well look at that boys, little Cassie found himself a boy toy." One said. The other two laughed. "Two for one special." Said another. They took off their masks and Cas' eyes widened in horror. Standing before him was Adam, Cole, and Cain. "Cas? Are these the guys-"

"Yes."

"Aw he remembers." Cole sneered.

"And told his fuck buddy too." Cain laughed.

"Well boys, let's get this party started."

Cole and Cain move forward, grabbing Cas. Cas yells out. Dean jumps on Cole and tackles him to the floor. Adam  kicks Dean in the head and he hits the floor, dazed. "Grab him too. And for the love of God shut Cassie up!" Cain punched Cas in the face, knocking him out cold. 

Cas wakes up to the smell of chlorine. He open s his eyes and sits up. He's still shirtless and still has his pants on. And he's tied up. His hands are tied together and one foot is tied to...he follows the rope and his heart stops. A cinder block. He looks up. A pool. That explains the smell. And he's on the high dive. "Cas, you okay?" He hears Dean ask. He looks around and sees Dean on the low diving board, tied the exact same way. His heart drops. They're both going to die. "Well it's about damn time sleeping beauty." Adam says from the other side of the pool. Cain was behind Dean, meaning Cole was behind him. "Ya know Cassie, we never got to finish what we started." Adam paced slowly, keeping eye contact. "We just can't have fags like you running around. It's disgusting. And both of you have made yourselves known quite well in this towns little fag community. And well, we can't have that now can we? That might give them hope that one day, they will be left alone." He looked at Dean. "Meet Wyatt by the way. Good kid. Weak heart though. He just couldn't handle the fact that you almost finished his job and well, he got his ass handed to him. Little bitch. Should have finished the job." He perks up and claps his hands together. "But we'll finish it for him!" Cas' laugh held no humor. "And you say I'm disgusting." Adam looked at him. "Oh you won't be for long Cassie. Soon you and your boy toy here will be in hell. Burning where you belong."

"Don't give me that 'this is God's work bullshit Adam. Now run along and go have your threesome somewhere else, like back in the showers you were ass fuck in, in the first place."

"Oh, sassy Cassie! Well, just for that..."

Adam snapped his fingers and Cain picked Dean up. Throwing him into the water. Cas let out a scream, watching as Dean sank to the bottom. Tears filled his eyes. "Hurry up Cole, I want to go home." Cas looked at Adam. He had a twisted smile on his face. "See you in hell Cassie." Cas felt Cole pick him up and throw him. The cinder block pulled him down at an alarming rate. Cas barely had time to take a deep breath before he was sinking fifteen feet to the bottom of the pool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again this chapter broke a record with 6,163 words! Thank you guys for giving me the inspiration to keep going!


	8. Damn Near Immortal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the comments and kudos! They really help me so keep 'em coming! 
> 
> This chapter is a little shorter than the last few, mainly because I got blocked for a few days. And now that I'm going to classes for my GED, I'm not sure how much I'll be writing. But I will update as much as I can until this story has reached it's end which I don't see happening yet!

 

 

Cas hit the bottom and looked at Dean. He had been under longer and had less air. His lungs were screaming.  Dean dug in his pocket and finally pulled out his pocket knife. Thankfully, they didn't search him. He moved his free foot to the rope around Cas' foot and pulled him closer. He twisted his hands so he could open the knife. Instead of cutting himself free, he moved Cas' rope closer and started to cut the rope around Cas' wrists. They were both losing air quickly. Dean finally got the rope off Cas' wrists. He moved closer to Cas' face, pressing the ir lips together, he blew what little air he had left into Cas' mouth. Then he started to cut the rope around Cas' foot. He was almost finished when the knife fell out of his hands and sank to the pool floor. He grabbed the rope and bit the rest of the way through. When Cas was free, he immediately tried to swim down to the knife. Dean stopped him and pushed him up to the surface as far as he could, giving Cas no other option but up.

Cas gasped for air as soon as his head came up. Adam, Cain, and Cole were nowhere in sight. He took a deep breath and went back under swimming for the knife. He feels around for it since he can't see it's exact location. He finally finds it and moved to the rope around Dean's foot. He looks up and Dean's eyes are closed. 'please no...' He works quickly. As soon as he's free  h e puts his back to Dean and his arms around his neck . He swims up at fast as he can. He  gasped for air when his head was above water. Dean didn't. Making a dash for the side of the pool, his mind was racing. He grabbed Dean and pushed him up onto the side then pulled himself up. He untied the rope around Dean's wrists then put his  ear to Dean's chest. No heartbeat. He starts doing CPR, pushing down on Dean's bare chest. He had no color in his face at all. He tilts Dean's head back and blows air into his mouth then starts doing chest compressions again. "Come on Dean." He puts his ear to Dean chest. Nothing. He starts again.

"Come on Dean, breath!"

Nothing. Tears fill his eyes. He starts  again.

"Dammit! Please!"

Nothing. He starts again.

"I'm not giving up on you Dean! You hear me!"

Nothing. He starts again.

"Please Dean. Don't leave me." 

He put his forehead on Dean's chest. Crying as he closed his eyes. "Please...come back Dean. I need you."

Dean opens his eyes. Coughing the water from his lungs he props himself up on his elbow. He feels  arms wrap around his neck. "Dean!" He put his o ther arm around Cas and tried to steady his breathing. He slowly laid back down. He looked at Cas. He had tears in his eyes. He put his arm around him again and pulled him close. Cas buried his face in between Dean's shoulder and neck. They were both cold and shivering. Cas stood up and pulled Dean with him. Dean swayed a bit, still lacking oxygen. He put his arm around  Cas for support. "Let's find some clothes and get the hell out of her." Cas suggested. Dean nodded in agreement. "Where are they?"

"Dunno."

The walked quietly to the lost and found. Dean leaned against the wall as Cas tried to find clothes that might fit. Cas handed him a hoodie and basketball shorts. He peeled off his wet jeans and boxers and got dressed. Cas found a long sleeve shirt and a pair of jeans. The walked out of the lost and found, wet clothes in hand. "No fucking way!" They stopped Dean turned around to see Cole standing in the hallway about a hundred feet away. "Adam!" Cole yelled. 

"Run!" Dean pushed Cas in front of him and the took off in a dead sprint. 

"How the fuck!" He heard Adam yell. They chased after them. They ran back to the pool, through the locker room and ran out of the back exit. They ran across the football field both picking up speed. They heard a gunshot ring out and ducked at the sound. "Head for the woods!" Dean commanded. There was a chain link fence blocking them with no way around. The had to climb it. "Go! I'm right behind you." Dean looked back. They were catching up. Adam fired another shot as Dean began to climb. The bullet got him in the shoulder. He yelled out. 

"Dean!"

"Keep going!"

His shoulder screaming, he kept climbing. Cas was at the top and had swung his leg over and began climbing down. The fence was too high to just jump off of without getting hurt. Another shot was fired. Dean yelled out again. Another. Three times Dean could feel a bullet enter his body, but he didn't stop. He made it to the top and  swung his legs over. He climbed down a quarter of the way and pushed off. He landed on his feet. They both took  off into the woods. Cas slowed. "I'm right behind you  Cas now keep going!" They made it to the road. A car was speeding towards them. Dean grabbed Cas by his shirt and yanked him backward. They both fell to the ground. The car screeched to a stop and a man got out. "Jesus Christ! Are you two okay?" Cas looked at Dean. His eyes were closed and his breathing was labored. "No. There are three guys after us. They're trying to kill us! They shot my boyfriend!" If this was a normal situation, Dean would have smiled at the word. They get Dean up and get him in the back of the man's car. Cas gets in the back as well and puts Dean's head on his lap. Dean almost laughed at the look on  Cas' face. "Why are you looking at me like I'm going to die? It's not even that bad. All three went through."

"Could've hit a vein or an artery or punctured a lung or-" Dean pulled Cas into a kiss. "Frantic look doesn't suit you." 

At the hospital, Cas called Sam and told him what happened. Then the police arrived and Cas repeated the story. "See this is what happens when you let psychos out of their cage." He finished. 

Sam and John arrived shortly after. "Hey Cas, how is he?"

"Dunno. Still in surgery. They won't tell me a damn thing." He starts pacing. Sam leans against the wall. John sits. "What exactly happened tonight? Dean said you called him sounding scared and he took off."

"Three of the guys that attacked me were released today. Well, yesterday. I called Dean because I was scared and didn't want to be alone. They found me. They broke into my house and took us to the school. They tied our hands and tied us to cinder blocks and threw us in the pool. Thank God they didn't check Dean's pockets. He had a pocket knife. He started to cut me free but the knife fell out of his hand. So he chewed through the rest of the rope and pushed me towards the surface. I went back under and found the knife and cut him free. When I got him out of the water he wasn't breathing so I did CPR. For a minute, I thought I lost him. But he started breathing. I got him up and we found some clothes in the lost and found. They guys never left the school for some reason. They saw us and we took off running. We ran across the football field and climbed the fence. That's how Dean got shot. We ran through the woods to the road. I almost got hit by a car but Dean pulled me out of the way and the guy brought us here."

John was silent as C as spoke. When he finished, he nodded. "I think you two are meant to be together." Cas looks at him in confusion. John  smiles . "You two are always saving each other. To me, that sounds like you can't live without each other. " The doctor walks out and Cas stop s pacing. John stands. "How is he?" The doctor looked at all three of them. "He's fine. The bullets went all the way through. He's very lucky. From the looks of it, those shots were well aimed.  Who ever did it knew what they were doing." Cas lets out a breath. "Can we see him?" The doctor looked at him and nodded. "One at a time though. And we're going to keep him here for a few days." They all nod. Sam and John agree Cas  should see him first. Cas follows the doctor down the hall. He stopped in front of a room. "I just realized, you must be the one he's been asking about. Castiel, right?" Cas nodded. He smiled. "He's been worried about you." Cas half laughed. "He almost drowns, gets shot three times, and he's worried bout me. Sounds like him." The doctor opened the door. "Stay as long as you like. He's not in any pain. He's on morphi ne ." Cas nodded and thanked him. He stepped in the room and the doctor closed the door behind him. Dean turned his head and looked at Cas then smiled. "Hey. I'm glad you're okay." He said. Cas looked at him. He didn't have a shirt on. His ribbed were bandaged as well as his upper right arm. "I was worried about you." Cas walks over to him but stops short. "I'm not the one you should be worrying about. You almost died because of me." 

"What are you talking about?"

"I shouldn't have called you. I knew they would find me. Although, kudos to them for being sentimental and trying to finish what they started it where it all began."

"But it's not where it ended."

Cas looked at him.

"If someone tells me I have to choose between myself or you, I'd choose you every time."

 Cas was right next to him. "Dean-"

"You saved me Cas. In more ways than one. It's only fair I return the favor. And I'd do it again. I'd do it a thousand times if it's the only way I can show you how much you mean to me." Cas touched his forehead to Dean's and put a hand on his face. Dean closed his eyes. "Cas...I..." He was cut off by Cas' lips on his. He pulled away and Dean moved after him, chasing the kiss. Cas smiled at him. "I know." Dean smiled. At least I won't be sent to a nut house this time." Cas laughed. "Yeah, and you're talking." Dean moved over and pulled Cas onto the bed with him. Cas was about to put up an argument but Dean gave him a look that said "Stay with me." How could he say no to that. "So." He paused. Moving to his side and putting his arm around Cas. "Boyfriend huh?" He smiled against Cas' shoulder blade. Cas huffed a laugh. He turned his body and faced Dean. "Yeah." He smiled. Dean closes his eyes and sighs contently.

"Dean?"

"Hm?"

"On the beach...what did you wish for?"

Dean smiled but didn't open his eyes. "To be happy."

"Are you?"

Dean opened his eyes. He kissed Cas on the forehead. "Very much so."

Dean was released a few days later. Cas picked him up and took him back to his house. Dean collapsed on the couch as Cas set his new alarm system. Adam, Cole, and Cain were still out there. Cas didn't want to think about that right now. Instead, he walked to the kitchen. "You hungry?" He asked. Dean didn't reply. He turned around. "Dean?" He walked over to the couch to see Dean had fallen asleep. He smiled and leaned down to kiss his forehead. Then Cas had an idea. "Dean." He gently shook Dean awake. Dean opened his eyes and looked at him. "Let's go to the beach." 

Almost an hour later, they were sitting on the sandy beach. Dean had his head on Cas' shoulder and Cas had his arm wrapped a round Dean. "Are you going to go back to school?" Cas asked. Dean hadn't really thought about it. The end of summer was coming fast. School started in just two weeks. "I don't know. I mean, I'd still be a freshman but I don't think I want to study psychology anymore." Cas laughed. "I don't blame you." They were silent for a moment. "So why don't you study music?" Dean looked at him. "You're really good Dean. You have an amazing voice." Dean smiled.

"You think so?"

"I know so."

Dean laid his head against Cas once more and again they fell into a content silence. Cas kissed the top of his head. They didn't know how long they had been there, but the sun was starting to set. They were now laying next to each other. Dean moved over Cas and brushed his lips against Cas'. Cas parted his lips and inhaled. "Dean." He whispered through closed eyes. Dean looked at him. 

"You remember what happened last time we tried this." 

How could he forget. "I'm willing to try again." He smiled.

"What about your stitches?"

"They'll be fine."

Dean leaned in to kiss him. Cas moved away. "I can't let you do this Dean." Dean let his head fall on Cas shoulder. He sighed. "Cas-"

"No. What if you have another flashback? And don't say you won't because you don't know for sure." Dean didn't move. He just closed his eyes. "Always worrying about me." He smiled. "Someone has to. Because you don't" Dean looked up then. His eyes locked on Cas'. "I've worried about myself enough. And y ou've worried about me enough for the both of us. For Christ sake Cas...let me take care of you for once." Cas looked at him. "You're joking right? Dean, you saved me and it almost cost you your life!" Dean kissed him. He pulled back slightly. "We saved each other." He breathed against his lips. 

"Dean-"

"Shhh...I've got you."

Jesus Chr ist!   Cas thought. He was sure Dean lowered his voice on purpose. It's a damn good thing nobody really goes to this beach after sunset anymore. Dean's lips were on his. Moving slow. Cas parted his lip, as soon as he did Dean's tongue was exploring his mouth. Cas moaned. Just one taste of Dean and whatever self control he had vanished. He put his hands on Dean's hips and pulled him closer. Dean pushed himself down, grinding against Cas. Cas moaned into Dean's mouth. Dean slid his hand up Cas' shirt. Cas Moved his hands up to the button on Dean's jeans. Before they went any further, Cas said a silent prayer that Dean wouldn't have a flashback. Because in all honesty, Dean needed this. Dean moved his mouth down Cas' jaw to his neck where he gently bit the skin. Cas unbuttoned and unzipped Dean's pants and slid them halfway down. Dean breathed against his neck , helping Cas get his pants off at the same time. Cas took both of them into his hands. Dean moved his hips back and forth slowly, remembering how Cas had done it. From the moan Cas made, he was on the right track. He swiped his index finger along their tips that were now dripping with pre-come. Dean slowly moved his fin ger inside of  Cas . Cas moaned loudly. Dean moved his finger in rhyth m with his hips, adding a second finger moments later. Twisting his fingers as he moved them in time with his hips, causing Cas to moan loudly. Dean moved his fingers and hips faster. He kept this pace until he realized Cas was on the edge. He stopped moving his hips and added one more finger. He twists them a few times before moving between Cas' legs. He rubbed the tip of his pre-come soaked dick on Cas' entrance then slowly pushed himself inside. He stopped for a second to get used to the feeling. Cas relaxed around him and he pushed f urther in. Cas dug his blunt nails into Dean's hips as Dean pulled out just enough to thrust in.

He grabbed Cas' ankles and pushed his knees to his chest. He moved his hips to angle himself to hit the sweet spo t. He paused for a second, not knowing exactly what came over him but he liked it a lot. And obviously, so did Castiel. He arched his back, moaning loudly as Dean thrust inside him. He felt Dean wrap his hand around his dick and stroked him in rhythm. "God, Dean!" His voice was barely a whisper. He was teetering on the edge. The only thing he could do was grab fistfulls of sand or dig his blunt nails into Dean's hips or back. Dean was in total control , and he knew it. He pulled almost all the way out then slamming himself back in. Dean had his eyes closed and was biting his lip. He moved his hips and hand faster. Cas couldn't handle much more. "Fuck! Dean, I'm gonna come!" Dean's head fell back and he moaned. Moving even faster, he looked at Cas. He didn't say anything. He didn't have too. Cas could still tell what Dean was saying without saying a word. Those Gemstone-green eyes practically begging  Cas to come.  Cas closed his eyes. He felt the heat coil in his stomach. He felt Dean move his hand faster. Cas arched his back, feeling the sweet release. A few seconds later, he felt Dean go rigid. Cas opened his eyes to see Dean's eyes closed. His lips parted and moaning. Cas moved his legs. Dean pulled out a few seconds later. He opened his eyes and looked at Cas. Cas waited for something bad, another panic attack. But Dean just leaned down, smiling and kissed him. Cas smiled against his lip. "Congratulations Dean. You're no longer a virgin." Dean laughed breathlessly and shook his head. Cas joined in. Dean laid next to him. They fell into silence as they put their boxers and jeans back on.

Dean laid back down with his arms under his head, looking up at the sky. He looked over at Cas, who was doing the same. He moved closer and kissed Cas' cheek.  Cas closed his eyes and smiled. Dean gently put his hand on Cas' other cheek and moved his head so Cas was looking at him. Cas' sapphire blue eyes reflected the early night sky. Dean kissed his lips. "I love you Cas." He whispered. Cas looked at him for a second then smiled and kissed him back. "I love you to Dean."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you guys so much! Share your thought! Love y'all!


	9. Karma Is A Bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been awhile huh? Sorry about that. This probably won't be a very long chapter. School, other stories...life...anyways! I hope you enjoy and I hope it was worth the wait...even if it is short.

_"Dean!"_

Cas' voice sounded distant. He felt the blood trickle from his fingers, seeing it pool in the already wet sand. Was everything red, or was it the blood running from his eyebrow into his eye? He brought his fist down again and again. _Thud, thud, CRACK_. He felt something around his waist and he was being pulled. "Dean! Stop!" The voice was loud now, right in his ear. He snapped to himself. What the hell just happened? He and Cas were just walking along the beach when...

_Cas..._

In front of him was Cas, taking off his over shirt. He held it over Dean's eye. Dean moved away when the cloth stung his eye, not really understanding. "You're bleeding." Cas said calmly. Dean tilted his head, confused. Cas had a few cuts on his face and his cheek was swollen, causing a fresh wave of anger in Dean. And...was his shirt...torn? 

He looked around, everything came back in little flashes. He slowly looked up at Castiel. "What did I do?"

 

**hours earlier...**

 

Dean rolled over, not fully awake but still listening to the waves. He put his arm around Castiel who opened his eyes and smiled. "Looks like we fell asleep on the beach again." Dean smiled back. He sat up and brushed some sand off of his shirt. "Looks like it, but at least it isn't kidnapping this time." He stood and helped Cas up.

"So what's on the agenda today?" Dean asked, brushing the rest of the sand off.

"Dunno, what do you feel like doing?"

"We could spend the day on the boardwalk. Grab a bite to eat, maybe hit up the amusement park?" Dean suggested.

Cas smiled. "Sounds like a plan."

 

A day on the boardwalk was just what they needed. They ate breakfast, looked at a few stores, then hit the amusement park. They played a few carnival games, Dean won a stuffed bear for Cas. Cas won a Doctor Who poster for Dean.

Castiel still had a nagging feeling something would happen. After dinner, his nagging feeling became a reality.

They had just gotten off the Ferris Wheel when Cas heard a very familiar voice and turned around, stopping dead in his tracks. "Dean..." Dean turned and followed Castiel's eyes. Adam, Cain, and Cole. Dean grabbed Cas by the hand and kept walking. How were they still running free? "They didn't see us. We're okay. We just need to get back to the car." Which was about a mile down the boardwalk sitting in the parking lot of the beach.

"Hey, isn't that...?"

_Shit_

"It is! Cassie and his boy toy! Hey! Cassie!"

"Run!"

Dean tightened his grip on Cas' hand and they took off running through the sea of people. The only problem was, they needed to circle around because there was only one way out. They cut through the middle of the fairway and ran for the exit, pushing past and through the crowd. The three were close behind. If they could just make it to the beach...

As soon as they were out, they headed right for the beach, breaking in to a dead sprint. They were tackled to the sand not even halfway.

"Ya know...I'm getting really sick and tire of seeing your faces."

"Oh trust me, the feeling is mutual asshat." Dean spat. He was met with a punch to the gut.

"I don't know how you got out of that pool, but you won't get away this time. Stand them up."

Adam grabbed Castiel by the shirt and hit him in the face. Dean struggled against Cain, but to no avail. Adam hit Cas again, Cole let him fall to the ground.

Adam grabbed Cas again but this time, he dragged Castiel to the water. "This time, I'll make sure you die."

"No! Don't!"

Adam turned and looked at Dean, smiling.

"If you want to kill someone, kill me. Just please, let him go. You've done enough to him."

"No, I think I'd rather you watch him die before you die yourself."

He held Cas under the water.

Dean snapped his head back and it connected with Cain's nose. As soon as he let go, Dean spun around and punched him. Cain hit the ground with a thud.

Cole spun Dean around. Dean used that force to punch him as heard as he could, connecting with his ear. Cole too hit the ground.

Dean set his sight on Adam, who had no idea Dean was free. Dean pulled him off Cas and on to the sand.

He hit Adam in the face, hearing Castiel cough and gasp for air.

He hit him again.

"Dean!"

Adam got one good swing in, landing right above his eye.

Dean was seeing red, he blacked out.

 

"What did I do?"

Cas was on his knees in front of Dean. Still holding his soaked over shirt to Dean's cut.

"You hit Cain and Cole so hard they're out cold."

Dean's eyes fell to Adam. Cas didn't look.

"Cas...did I..."

"I think so. I think he's dead."

Cas stood up and got Dean to his feet. "I think I'm gonna be sick." Dean bent over. 

"I wouldn't blame you if you did."

They saw flashing light and heard sirens. Someone must have seen what happened.

 

They explained to the police what happened and Dean got stitched up in the ambulance. After that the police let them go. Cain and Cole would be going to prison an two counts of attempted murder. Needless to say, they won't be out any time soon. If ever. 

 

They went back to Castiel's and cleaned up in silence. Dean sat on the bed looking at the floor. Cas sat next to him. "Dean..."

"Don't. Don't even."

"Look at me."

Dean slowly looked up at Cas.

"You did what you had to do. Nobody blames you."

"I killed a man Cas..."

Cas took Dean's face in his hands.

"You saved me. Don't you dare ever feel bad for doing what you had to do. He would have come after you next."

Dean dropped his eyes to the bed.

"Hey,"

He looked back up. Castiel kissed him gently on the lips.

"I love you. No matter what."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I apologize for it being so short! The next chapter will definitely be longer!! 
> 
> So....worth the wait? What are your thoughts?


	10. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay everyone, I have been thinking about how to end this freaking thing for MONTHS now and it's been driving me absolutely insane!!! But here it is: the final chapter of Silence of a Whisper. I know it's not long. I'm sorry.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!!!

"Dean?"

 

Dean looked up from the magazine he was reading. The man in the doorway smiled and motioned for him. Dean stood up and set the magazine on the table, then followed the man in the room. 

He motioned for Dean to sit.

"Been awhile Dean. How have you been?" 

Dean looked at him. "Good. Really good." The man sat behind his oak desk. "How's school going?" He grabbed a pen and a pad of paper. 

"School is great. Getting good grades. I changed my major when I went back. Studying music now." 

"That's very good Dean. How are things with Castiel?" He looked at Dean.

Dean smiled. "Better than ever."

*****

An hour later, he pulled up in front of the house and cut the engine. He got out and walked over to the mailbox and grabbed the contents, closing it. 

Walking up the stone path to the front door, the door opened and he looked up. "Took you long enough." Cas smiled. Dean returned the smile. "Sorry. Session went longer than usual." 

Cas nodded. "Well, lunch is ready." 

"Thank God! I'm starving!" 

He walked past Cas and handed him the mail as Cas closed the door. "You're always starving Dean." Dean rolled his eyes and took off his shoes then followed Cas to the kitchen. 

They talked about Dean's therapy session and ate. Afterwards, they moved to the living room to watch Cas' favorite movie, Casablanca. 

Halfway through, Dean looked at Cas. Thinking about everything that had happened in the past year. In the beginning, Dean thought nothing would ever go back to normal. Yet here he was, sitting on the couch with Cas watching a movie like a normal couple. 

"Cas?"

"Hm?" 

"Thank you."

Cas turned and looked at him. "For what?"

Dean smiled. "For everything. For helping me and not giving up on me." 

Cas shook his head and smiled. "You don't have to thank me Dean. You helped me just as much as I helped you. I'm the one who should be thanking you." 

Dean didn't say anything, he just pulled Cas close and kissed him. 

They settled back into the movie. Dean still couldn't help thinking about just how far he's come. From being a kid in a mental Institution, broken and suicidal. To the young man he's become today. You would never know the horrors he went through  that night in March last year. You would never know he tried to take his own life twice. All thanks to Cas. 

The man who showed him how to move on and move past. 

The man who showed him how to live. 

 

And it all began with the silence of a whisper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A HUGE thank you to all who have read, commented, given kudos, recommend, and outright loved this story. I hope y'all read my other works and love them just as much! Thank you very much! LOVE Y'ALL!!


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